It’s Only been a week, yes since I’ve begun to find a rhythm. It has been a Mercury  Retrograde and it finally ended today. Now It’s time for reflection. It’s been really nice to finally get into the swing of things. So many of us are stuck in those habits that make us feel comfortable, but this Mercury retrograde is almost forcing us to break bad habits. To finally recognize those things that were holding us back and do what is right for our spirit. It’s about finding the rhythm and the balance.

As a parent with three kids. All who have different activities and lets not forget different personalities, I have to maintain a balance that allows me to stay unbothered as much as possible. I mean really, being a Mom is full of schedules and activities and it’s never ending, but the old me was to concerned with the overwhelming feeling of being able to take on all those tasks without burning myself out. Now I’ve to see that it’s the little self care moments that if you take it on at your own pace, you’ll find it will begin to help you in other areas of your life.

There’s a lo of us out there that believe that if we are constant grind  will get us to all our final destination or wish. The truth is… It’s about constantly feeding ourselves with the feel goods. From drinking water everyday as well as getting the proper amount of rest. However we also tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves by setting these outlandish goals  and when we don’t complete our desired goal that we set for ourselves, we immediately put ourselves down, give up and repeat the steps on a later date. You have to believe in your truth at that moment. Believe that you have the capabilities to reach that desired goal but at your own pace. Everyday will be different, which in my opinion is a good thing. Your body will tell you what it needs, just as long as you’re listening to your higher self to find out what feels good to your spirit.

Is it just me, or do you feel like you just woke up from a hangover a few days after Christmas?. It’s like there’s a lull between Christmas and New Years. Like we’re all suspended in mid air. Well I for one felt it and have felt that for many years, even growing up I felt it. It was like a CRESCENDO!!! leading up to Christmas and a DECRESCSENDO right after. Some how we try and keep the momentum going by getting up real early the next morning for Boxing day shopping…. You know they already have the Valentine’s day goodies out in the store….I can’t.

I GOT IT!…This lull gives us just enough time to realize how much money we’ve really spent this Christmas. Ugh!… Or we could think of it as the in between to collect our thoughts before the New Year. A recap if you will of what went down and how we can change the future simply by switching it up and trying  a different path.

Side Note: Doing things that are out of our comfort zone can also be good for our spirits.

Like a burst of rainbows…. Skittles or even Unicorns. Like it was waiting to come out breathe. Go ahead!…. Take that deep breath!

2019 is on its way!…I feel like the last few days has been an amp up to all the grandiose things  to come. A time to rest and reflect on all the lessons we’ve learned. Because there’s no such thing as mistakes, just lessons.

What lessons have you learned over the past year that strikes a nerve with you. Something that makes you say, “I will never repeat that ever again. I  learned to value myself a lot more. That I damn well deserve anything and everything that the Universe has to offer just like everyone else.

 Owning the Responsibilities of Success.

Success can sometimes pass us by because we’re not ready for the responsibilities that come along with it or we don’t have enough faith in the fact that we CAN take on the responsibilities that come along with success. The failures and all.

I will only hold space for positive people, things and situations. As you get older, you realize what’s good for the soul is good for the spirit. I recognize when its time to walk away from unhealthy shit!

I’ve also learned that you only live once on this earth as who you are today… So live it up. It’s ok if you’re currently in a bit of a rut. It will soon pass, It always does. It’s about keeping that CRESCENDO going until you reach the point of no return…And when you do return, just make sure that when you return on the most fluffiest cloud made of pink Gold looking Fabulous AF!

I’m fighting for my inner child who never said a word

I’m writing for the inner child whose words might have gone unheard

For the inner child whose vision of what love really is, was blurred

I will Love You

I will protect You

I will honour You

And will be there for all your breakthroughs.

Righteous Sun

Sometimes, we forget that our inner child is still with us and has never really left. It’s just that we grow up. We grow up and think that what’s in the past is in the past. That we should be over anything that happened to us as a child. Sometimes the memories as a child could have been so rough, that we even force ourselves to forget but have vague memories of all the good that occurred in our lives as kids if any.

What we need to do is call out to that inner child that still comes around when we are reminded of the unpleasantry of our past. When we really haven’t healed those things from our childhood but have found ways to cope.

I’ve learned that even though some parts of my childhood sucked, there were positive things that I’ve taken with me. Things that have always been there and sum up who I AM and who I’m meant to be. I remember someone saying to me, “Invite your inner child to come along for the ride.” See, your inner child might be scared at first but it’s ok, just take them by the hand and reassure them that they are safe. I mean, you can’t have one without the other. You need your inner child for play…. And you have to admit it’s just as fun being an adult as it is being a kid, if you play you cards right!

So in those moments when the adult in you is wanting to take that chance or make that move but is ultimately frozen in fear, just tell your inner child that everything will be ok and that you can’t do it without them.

Inner Child is imagination. It is Resiliency. The ability to look at things with wonder and awww. Most of all it is the ability to grow and transform.

Today’s Affirmation is: I am gentle to my inner child as we uncover and release the old for the new.

Its been an emotional couple of weeks since the kids went back to school. Other years I was prepared, like a veteran getting the routine down pat. This time however… Let’s just say I haven’t bounced back from the summer and am trying to catch up. I was sloth tired, not wanting to get out of bed and forcing my body to move at a pace that was just not nice, so my body was telling me. I was definitely not listening to what my body was telling me because I am currently laid up at home with a cold. I NEVER catch a cold and I have an immune system of 10 armies. My army of fighters clearly needed to rest and recoup.

Note: Our bodies will sometimes force us into resting by knocking us out a an illness. It’s the spirit asking for us to STOP and RESTORE.  

Stop everything that you are doing including your thoughts and allow the spirit to restore its self to a proper balance.

Like I was saying this was the first year, I hadn’t had my shit together for back to school. My mind was still on laying under the sun. Can you blame me? I guess as you go through life you forget that everyone is growing up and so are you. I look like I’m 19 years old even though I’m 36, soon to be 37. Let’s hear it for the 80’s babies. The simpler times before life became more intricate. Well we’re in 2018 now, and when you think you have it all figured out as a person, an entrepreneur and especially a Mom and suddenly realize wait a minute this is a whole new phase I wasn’t prepared for. We were doing the best we could as parents, cause that’s  really all you can do… We make sure to give them all the love that they deserve and they deserve it all, and to see our son struggle with anxiety, all while trying to find his way through this now intricate world that has been created. It broke our hearts.

It broke my heart because it took me so long to get over anxiety and heal in general. It took many days of meditation and healing practices that I now teach and administer to others. I am a Reiki healer and intuitive counselor and not forget a kids yoga teacher…. and for some reason I couldn’t help my son. After tossing his cookies one morning and breaking out in a rash to wanting to come home early and crying in the school washroom. That wasn’t like my Marcus at all. I went straight to the principal and explained that he had began experiencing anxiety the begging of summer due to a tree almost fall on him and his friends during a wind storm. It was enough to get him spooked and enough for it to carry over and never fully recover. Only magnifying it with the change from grade 6 to grade 7.

We set him up with someone to talk to every Tuesday at school… he seems to like that, and because he’s bored outside when his friends go out at lunch  he helps out in the office, which he likes and so do I. This is all with the hopes that he gains confidence and finally settles into this new change.

While being on Mom duty, which is a 24/7 job I might add, I was also dealing with my emotional self. Wondering why I was so emotional and caught in my feelings. My period had  just ended. I should feel a bounce back, which I normally do. This time, I was forgetting everything. Thy Gym keys yesterday, the girls went to school with no juice box, my keys to the apartment when I took the dog for a walk… I’m pretty sure the list goes on but I can’t even remember that. LOL!

It got me thinking though. You know, as to why I felt like mush and didn’t know my right to my left. For the first time in along time, I hadn’t a clue what the Fuck I was doing with my life and where it was going. I cancelled one of my classes permanently. I was rushing into a lot of things and making decisions out of frustration.  Sometimes when we are clumsy, it’s our spirit telling us to slow down. I can’t lie… I even went as far as to question if I was really healed from all the trauma I suffered growing up. Sigh! I am about to embark on a new project. One that I was sitting on for a long time and knowing that I would do it with this particular amazing woman, I call my friend and in the way that seems fitting through Indigenous traditions and culture. We will be facilitating a women’s group that will aid in healing trauma that can lead to anxiety. We will be getting funding towards this amazing opportunity…. So how can I reach these people if I don’t tell my story? being the quiet one who just listens.  I never thought that the things I experienced was even relevant or of any importance and so I buried it away. Only find to finds other ways to heal or reprogram my thoughts or even me for that matter. The only things is I every so often resort back to those thoughts of mistrust and fear of only being able to rely on myself when times are rough….. and that’s just no true.

So have I fully healed? I now know that healing takes time. it takes emotions to be felt and expressed in any way that allows your body, mind and spirit to breathe. The roots of your trauma can run deep, so deep that it touches your ancestors…. and if we don’t heal from the core and sever those old thoughts and beliefs than we will forever be coping. I’m tired of just coping… I WANT TO LIVE!!! And I want others to live as well.

In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully be meeting with an elder. I never had the opportunity to meet my grandparents in person, and have always had a fascination with the wise thoughts and presence that an older person brings to the table.

Well I look forward to getting back to the new Me! This is only the beginning of me diving deeper into the vault of my psyche…. Just when you’re getting the hang of it.

Well, it’s a learning process for sure when it comes to running a small business. I felt like I have dived a lot deeper than before, and the Universe is telling me to Woman up. Sigh! My finances are currently in hot water. “I AM PROSPEROUS” and I am being forced to make a lot of changes in my life in order to accommodate where my spirit currently is. Which in my opinion is light years ahead. So I have to keep up in more ways than one.

Over the summer I was battling with myself over getting a full time day job or sticking with my small business. I have an accepted partnership with the Toronto District School Board. Now what you need to know is that I had many proposals to many organizations, all of them being rejected except for one. The TDSB. I always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, and after volunteering in my child school, I really wanted to make a difference and get paid.  So they accepted my proposal and got to work right away from January to June. The income became scarce once school was out for the summer and that’s when I got to thinking. When you have kids, it becomes tough to just do side hustle jobs like cleaning or working at the casino which all pays well by the way, it’s just that it’s a monthly income rather than every two weeks and it’s part time. I have a responsibility to provide for my kids and sometimes the best thing to do is to work a full day job and teach classes at night. Just a thought….You know, An easier way to supplement what I love to do. I also feel like I’m being impatient with the process. It would be nice to have fast results, especially when it comes to providing for my kids.

I spoke with a small business consultant and she basically said if I wasn’t making my small business my everything and contemplating going back to a full time job than I should just quit all together and that running a business wasn’t up my alley. She also thought I got a bad deal with my the school contract and told me I should get out of it as soon as possible. Kind of tough for me to hear that considering everything I worked hard to achieve and achieved most of them. Gary Vee, the motivational speaker says that there will be a lot of people that will give you advice. Just remember that most of them will be giving advice based on their own experiences which will be biased and might not have your best interest at hand. In my opinion I thought I did the best I could with the knowledge I had when signing the contract.

The consultant was a little biased, but she did say some valuable things…

  • Always make contracts work for you. Meaning you don’t have to sign the first contract that is put in front of you. Tweak it until it works for you. There is no harm in changing a contract until it suits you and all parties involved. But most You.
  • Know Your Worth. I am guilty of this one. Feeling like your gifts, talents and skills are not up to par with the rest. Go back and look at all your skill levels, I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised with how much you have accomplished and all the gifts that you possess. If you feel like you haven’t accomplished much?… Be gentle with yourself and level up! take some weekend courses if you can go the library or to your closest book store! They have great learning material that can educate and inspire you. Any way to add value to yourself is a plus. And when you feel worthy about yourself, others will to.
  • Set realistic goals and expectations. Sometimes we have so many amazing ideas and we have no idea how to put all of them into action, let alone one into action. That’s why it is important to set real life goals. Write down your thoughts and ideas are so important because its like the next step before execution. Trying the idea out in the real world to see if it works or not. Now your expectations should always exceed beyond compare but please remember that its ok to be gentle with yourself if you don’t exceed it right away. There will be times….. When you won’t succeed on the first try. Never give up! and take it one step at a time so that you don’t repeat the same pattern and you find different routes. A door will eventually open.

Last but not least…

BE CONFIDENT! Never be afraid to ask for what you want and be confident in your dreams. Really believe and have faith in yourself and in the universe that things will always be provided for you and your family. Have faith in you ability to succeed, have faith in your gifts and use them with GUSTO! When you really get to know yourself, the confidence begins to grow within you because your getting comfortable in your skin and you’re allowing for spirit to take over. What a blessing!

I’ve realized once again that my passion and purpose must be done in this lifetime and it’s all life lessons. So I’m going to be gentle with myself during this process and not force things into existence due to fear. Ground yourself! to allow for sound decisions to be made and silence yourself for answers to come freely.

Wow! what a title right? You know what’s funny?…. I’ve actually left the title blank just in case one of the kids wake up and come into the living room… They can read you know…LOL! and they’re nosy like all kids.

For some reason, I feel like my body is going through a metamorphosis of some kind. Like a combination of the Transformers meets Care Bears slash Jem and the Holograms. That fall season is creeping up. Summertime was fun but it’s time to go deeper within. In thought and in life, and the changing of the weather does that. Fall brings a sophistication to the whole changing of the seasons.

But….. Back to the title and why I chose it. I LOVE astrology charts and horoscopes, Tarot cards, you get the idea. I love anything that connects back to the centre of it all. So in my younger days, I took it very seriously and would hang off of every word that I read when it came to a psychic or a horoscope. It’s like I would wait to hear what my horoscope said to make the next move. It never got out of hand but I became very reliant on it for emotional purposes. Not reading everything in entirety and only taking the pieces that I wanted. Sometimes great things came about and other times…. well let’s just….

You should always pay attention to the entire picture. That way you won’t miss a thing.

Anyways, it became this journey to find out ME!….. That’s why I read the horoscopes and went to the psychic, who was amazing by the way. She was like a Grandma to me if only for a bit. She was small in stature, Scottish and her name was Doreen. She was a gift to the world. We will leave that story for another day as well.

The more I read about astrology and the horoscope for the Libra sign, the more I began to understand that I could navigate through this world with the help of the Universe. The Universe within me really.

So I was sent a website that gives you a free detailed astrology chart once you put in all your info. I wasn’t going to do it because one of the things that I’ve been working on is to really and I mean really have more faith in myself and my intuition. I’ve done one before and it’s pretty accurate and this one was no different.  To be honest, Since I’ve made a commitment to get to know myself more on a deeper level, it has made me realize that I really fucking know more about my self than I thought. Reading as much as I could of the chart (it is crazy long!) only solidified all the hidden parts of me that only I already knew was there… I was just keeping to myself.  Those who are close to me know the hidden side of me from time to time and even then, only You know You in the end.

By reading my traits and how I operate in the world, I realized that I have a lot to offer the world and that it’s my traits and personality that has gotten me this far and will get me through the rest of this journey with the help of the Universe of course.

Getting the time to get to know the Fuck out of Yourself is probably the most important thing you can do in life. Even if no one else can see the work you’re doing internally, know that it is just as important.

Note to self: You can’t use your gifts talents and abilities if you don’t know who you are.

Just an update, I have posted up the Flyers for my official independent 8 week yoga class. I’m feeling really confident about it….. I was going to say that I feel really good about it but confident yelled in my ear so I had to switch it up. It’s time to shine the light and help others shine their light too.

I’m not afraid of the dark anymore!

 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and after having a not so great sleep, I woke up to Miss Aunt Flow this morning. Ladies, have you have had this moment where you feel this intense feeling of emotion that connects with you on some deep spiritual level, making you feel that your spiritual posse has some serious important message to divulge to you?… only to realize that it was just your period making you feel all types of ways?…and of course you can never decode the message.  I always feel like some High Priestess ready to spread deep knowledge to the world around that time of the month. Men take note; you can learn a lot from this. LOL!

Anyway now that I’m not all the way in my feelings and my emotions are not all over the place, I figured I would give myself some time to write. The kids are playing quietly with their friends after jumping around a hot ass gym for a bit. I clean a gym part time so that I can continue to live out my passion and see my dreams come true. A lot more work than I anticipated but worth it.

I have made a pack to release old thoughts and habits and replace them with positive encouragements and healthy habits. I’m beginning to realize that I have a duty to this body that I was born into and I want to see it shine in every way possible.

Note to self: Our spirit never wants to see us struggling or out of sorts. Its kind of like even though our bodies and spirits are one with each other, it still has a way of taking us off track every now then just to remind us of how it feels to be a hot mess. Cause we sure know no one out there likes to be a hot mess and misaligned with life.

Good question…. What are ways that you bounce back when you feel out of wack? and are you able to recognize when you are out of wack?

I know when it’s time to realign myself when I become like Tony Montana from Scarface… Just kidding…but I can get irritable when I’m emotionally off. This whole thing of feeling like a hermit has forced me to easily slip in and out of meditation. It feels pretty nice considering that has always been something that’s been hard for me to fully attain.

Higher Self: Meditation is not something that is attainable. It’s just something that always is.

Meaning Silence is always there…. Sometimes meditation can just sit above the surface, because our minds are so active that it actually takes longer for it to completely rest and be still. Leaving us to never fully deepen our conscious experience.

It’s kind of like the eclipse season is bringing us back to our source. The beginning of the beginning. You know what I’m talking about, Atlantis and the planet Sirius? The Mermaids, dragons and avatars?….  There was a time when everything lived in harmonious love. Remember?… If not, I’ll have to leave it for another blog session. It’s Actually one of my favourite memories that helped me to heal in a lot more ways than I even knew it would.

Great news!… I’ve sealed the deal with teaching yoga at the gym, starting in the Fall… Yeah ME!… I’ve also realized my worth and will be charging just a little under the going rate here in Toronto. Looking forward to teaching and generating more income from  what I love to do. Anyway off to take the kids to the park and tire them out hopefully.

FYI: As a parent, my favourite time of the day is bedtime…. LOL!