As you know its the holiday season and the kids are home from school from school for the next week or so. It means a lot more time spent together because we spent all that money on presents and are not spending anymore until 2019…. Lol!

On my IG account @righteoussoleil I posted a video of my son playing with Nintendo labs. It was one of the presents we bought him for Christmas. He loves Video games, science and nature. He’s also 12yrs old and has little to no patience when it comes to putting in time for the important stuff. He’s is also a Virgo and well, Virgo strive for perfection and can get frustrated if its not achieved to their liking. That’s my son and that’s what we’ve been trying to work on with him. It’s a life skill that is super important for all of us to learn.

Sometimes the good things in life might take a little longer to achieve. 

And patience is the key.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us, especially when we lose patience. Kind of like KIKI. When we get caught up in our feelings, we begin to think more in the upper part of the chakras. It just means that we are really caught up in our head, making us think irrationally. You know what they say, “Crisis first, think later”. Well do me a favour and don’t do that. When we think in crisis, we never give ourselves a chance to be present in our feelings. We react based on our thoughts rather then how it makes our body feel. How does your body feel when you fly off the handle and how beneficial is it to your body and spirit.

I have to admit that I can get moody from time to time but who doesn’t. We are human and we have feelings that must be expressed in order to grow. However, it doesn’t mean we have to ride the wild horse of frustration, anger or even sadness until we fall off and injure ourselves. It’s important to take the time to process the situations that we encounter. If it’s fucked up, then get angry just don’t let the anger get the best of you or you’ll miss out on all the loving lessons and blessing that can and will come your way.

“Don’t sweat the small things.”

He put the pieces together all on his own… He had a small moment but redeemed himself through patience and taming the wild horse of emotions within. I could be more proud of him….He’s growing up!

P.S. I’m sure as a Mom, this is just a start…Will he have other moments…Yes!…. But I’ll put this one in the books for a WIN!

These words popped up into my head yesterday. When I heard a family in my neighborhood arguing. Screaming is more like it if you ask me. Anyways, it made me think of me as a kid when my parents would argue. As kid it felt more like screaming and fighting which I still believe is the case now as an adult. I strongly believe that anything can be hashed out with a heated discussion but not aggressive arguments that lead to nowhere. Screaming and yelling is only saying that I am only willing to hear my own voice and opinion and no one else’s thoughts, feelings or words matter.

It just made me think because kids live there and more often then not the adults are fighting. Those same kids are then coming to school and acting out… I wonder why?…As a child who experienced similar situations, I became very quiet and disconnected from people, especially my family and eventually the world. It took  along time for me realize I was safe and that it was safe to use my words. I see it in some of these children who have to experience this unhealthy way of living.

Who will they be when they’re older and how are they going to interact with the world and themselves?

The definition of a By-product is a secondary product derived from a manufacturing process or chemical reaction. It is not the primary product or service being produced.

Did we get that?… it is only secondary and manufactured but not the primary product. Our primary product is our spirit and our spirit is innocent and pure when we come into this world. The by-product is the manufactured bull shit of society. The manufactured belief system that has been engineered and  engrained in our psyche for so long that it has traveled through our ancestors to us in the present day. So am I a by-product of my existence?…Yes, forced into it if you asked me but I made an oath to myself that I would never stay packaged. My packaging and my product will be forever changing and that is what defines who I am.

So for those kids who are now adults who are still a by-product and scarred… For all the children who are currently living in an unhealthy home….. Just breathe, (sigh) no that you are in control of You and your spirit. No one is in charge of your heart and how you use it. So use it for only love.

Affirmation: I have the ability to change my whole existence for the better through love

Ok guys!… When is enough in your books? I mean what is your breaking point in terms of reaching your limit?… I am currently in the process of moving my kids to school that is a lot safer and with like minded people. When I moved into my neighborhood, I was in transition. I matched perfectly with my neighborhood and what the current issues are. constantly in fight or Flight mode. I began learning and healing and eventually growing and transforming out of the trauma. It was like it no longer served my purpose. I had healed and moved on. I allowed my kids to stay at a school where it was obviously unsafe but I couldn’t see that because I was in the same transition as them. I want to say,’ How could I be so blind but when you wake up, its not all at once, its in stages.  Right? I’ve grown in stages and I am about to complete a phase in my life. No more Fight or Flight mode. I’m in living mode for myself and my family.

So how do you now you’ve reached the end of a phase?….

You’re reaction to the same situation is different this time. it’s like you no longer have time for the same story and feelings that comes along with it. You can now recognize how it makes you feel and quickly create boundaries to protect yourself.

You will feel like you’ve reached the end of a chapter. A completion and possibly a resolution that was never quite there until now. If we’re lucky, it can occur around a your Birthday or New Years. Those are endings and beginning kind of moments.

If you’re not already hanging out with like minded people…. You will!… the old you can’t fuck around with the same energy… I remember hearing someone say, “I’ll still fuck with you but I won’t stay stuck with you. Words to live by. Even then, be careful who you continue to hang with. If they aren’t for the greater good of you and the process then it’s time to level up to people who match your vibration.

As we get ready to end 2018 and move on to 2019. 2+1+9= 12 and twelve means completions. 2018 was and is about our dreams and desires and making them known to the Universe and 2019 is all about putting them into practice and watching them flourish.

It feels nice to let go and move on and I look forward to the continued growth that I’m committed to.

Affirmation: I AM OPEN TO ALL THE POSITIVITY THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS TO OFFER

Make a commitment.

To yourself

To the process

To the ups and the downs

A commitment to growth

And transformation

LIBERATION!!!

Righteous Sun

I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we got on to the topic of commitment. What does it mean to truly be committed? And is putting a ring on it actually mean that the man is committed to you?

Let’s get into it…. Some women feel that if their significant other puts a ring on it, it means that they are taking the next step to commitment. However, some men feel that if I have kids with you and living with you then I’m committed and you don’t need a ring.

What are your thoughts?

I said commitment means more to me than just a ring on my finger. If you’re that type of person that is into the symbolism of a ring, then putting a ring on it  means that you’re committing to every piece of that person. The good and the stuff we’re still working through…. Now I’m committed to learning about myself and how I interact with my partner. I’m committed to being patient as he grows and transforms as an individual and as a partner. (Because you have to do both in order for any relationship to last.) We have to be committed to change in and outside ourselves because as we know, no one and nothing  stays the same.

Now just because you get a ring, that doesn’t mean the person is fully committed. How do you know if someone is committed?… Real Simple…

They are committed to themselves first and foremost. Now you’re probably thinking, wait! committed to just themselves?… Isn’t that a little selfish?… It’s not when that person is committing to being the best they can be for themselves and for the person they are involved with. That means growing in every possible way for the greater good.

To make a commitment means that you place value on the person you and who you are becoming. To take it one step further, once you realize that there is no separation between who you are and who you are becoming… Well then…. You are on your way, if not already there. Remember we are universal. We are past, present and Future all in one.

So what now?…. We begin by taking  baby steps towards a commitment to yourself and to the whole process. I love using my screensavers on my laptop and phone for inspirational quotes and affirmations. You use your electronics all the time, so you might as well benefit from them in a way that can remind your spirit who they are and why they’re here.

Another tip that can help in the process is to commit to one day a month of pampering yourself. Just for you. I know it’s getting cold outside if you live in the colder climates, so drop the kids off for a play date and spend the day at home… not cleaning but pampering yourself. I love nice hot baths with essential calming oils that will soothe. Light some candles and VOILA! oh yes!… We can’t forget that favourite bottle of wine. Making a commitment to yourself means that you have to be consistent. So never say that you don’t have time for you… You should always have time for you! The Universe made a commitment to you the day you were born and that my friends is a commitment that will last a lifetime!

Affirmation: I AM COMMITTED TO MYSELF AND THE PROCESS AS A WHOLE.

I’m fighting for my inner child who never said a word

I’m writing for the inner child whose words might have gone unheard

For the inner child whose vision of what love really is, was blurred

I will Love You

I will protect You

I will honour You

And will be there for all your breakthroughs.

Righteous Sun

Sometimes, we forget that our inner child is still with us and has never really left. It’s just that we grow up. We grow up and think that what’s in the past is in the past. That we should be over anything that happened to us as a child. Sometimes the memories as a child could have been so rough, that we even force ourselves to forget but have vague memories of all the good that occurred in our lives as kids if any.

What we need to do is call out to that inner child that still comes around when we are reminded of the unpleasantry of our past. When we really haven’t healed those things from our childhood but have found ways to cope.

I’ve learned that even though some parts of my childhood sucked, there were positive things that I’ve taken with me. Things that have always been there and sum up who I AM and who I’m meant to be. I remember someone saying to me, “Invite your inner child to come along for the ride.” See, your inner child might be scared at first but it’s ok, just take them by the hand and reassure them that they are safe. I mean, you can’t have one without the other. You need your inner child for play…. And you have to admit it’s just as fun being an adult as it is being a kid, if you play you cards right!

So in those moments when the adult in you is wanting to take that chance or make that move but is ultimately frozen in fear, just tell your inner child that everything will be ok and that you can’t do it without them.

Inner Child is imagination. It is Resiliency. The ability to look at things with wonder and awww. Most of all it is the ability to grow and transform.

Today’s Affirmation is: I am gentle to my inner child as we uncover and release the old for the new.

I am about 85% better from the cold that knocked me out a few days ago and  of course was met with some challenges along the way to health. I am loving the summer weather in the fall but a bit hard to enjoy  it when you’re running a fever and still on Mommy duties. You would think vitamin D would do me some good but it really only made me light headed, especially when taking the dog for a walk or any activity for that matter. Its amazing how something so good for you isn’t always good for you in that particular moment. It’s like the Universe has been asking me to fall back and be reclusive like a hermit. Shade is currently my new best friend. Funny right?…

With all this free time being sick, it only gave me more time to rest and restore but most of all listen. Listen to what the Universe had to say to me. Do you ever feel like a completely brand new person after getting over a cold?, like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. With all the stress and not feeling well and a whole wack of other goodies, I have honestly felt like things will get better from here.

Note: listen to the words that come out of your mouth when you talk. It is a clear reflection of where you are in your life currently.

I just realized that rather than me writing, “Things can get better”, which means there is the possibility of things getting better, I wrote’ “Things WILL get better.” Which is a declaration to the Universe and yourself.

Anyway, all this time got me thinking how I got to this point. Not like it matters, cause a cold is a cold. But it matters in the sense that I can learn something from myself of how to better protect myself when it comes to my cup being half empty and refilling it back up in healthy ways.

After having my kids and jumping full fledge into being a stay ay Mom, I just felt like I was ready and able to give them all of me. I had made a conscious effort to put ME aside and focus on them. What I thought was a good idea at the time, eventually turned into me feeling very drained and tired. I wasn’t really taking care of myself in the best way possible. Devoting my entire life to the kids and  neglecting myself wasn’t at all my intentions but I continued with the thought that, ” I had my fun in the past and it was all for the them now”. It was only when I had hit a point of not wanting to look at myself in the mirror and beginning to feel low self esteem that I realized, enough was enough. I had an epiphany and felt like it was time to reclaim a piece of me.

When you look good, you’ll feel good. It’s a visual thing that gets the ball rolling to self love. Before having kids, I…. without fail would go and get a manicure every two weeks and my hair done once a month. I enjoyed every minute of it. I would always get funky designs and colours, it totally represented my spirit and life at the time, Wild and Free. They knew me there and it was always a treat. With my hair….. Well, I’ve been getting my hair done ever since I could talk and use the washroom on my own. And whether I liked it or not, My hair was getting done. So it became a habit and a way of life for any female of colour. I never really saw hair as being a self care regimen.

It was only when I had benched myself from life that I realized those things weren’t just treats and habits but were also essential to my sanity as a Mother and a human being.

Did you know you can tell a lot from a persons hair and scalp? You can find out what vitamins and nutrients a person is missing just by looking at their hair. Amazing! As soon as I declared it to my partner and the Universe that Mommy was taking back her life and consciously making an effort to make time for herself and selfcare. I found a hairdresser in the neighborhood who I am now great friends to help me along the way. I can’t lie though…. I was doing so well with the upkeep. It was like a year and a half of “All about ME!” and then… Well I’m not really sure what happened but my self care regimen wasn’t at all what it used to be. I wasn’t always getting my nails done and I began to try and squeeze an my appointment  whenever and wherever I could. I thought it got easier when the kids got older… It didn’t. LOL!

Before I knew it, my self care regimen became a chore. My 2 hour Mommy time of getting my nails done was no longer fun. I would look at the time constantly wondering when I would be done so I could go back to my job of being a Mom and working in my small business. I began fitting it into my busy schedule rather than make time for it. I can now look back and know that there was a moment when I stopped feeling relaxed about taking care of myself. I stopped feeling relaxed while getting my hair done. It became more of a hurry up type of feeling or a feeling of dread that I had to take time out of my busy schedule to make myself look proper. (Just went British for a moment.)

Note to self: Self care should never feel like a chore and should be a lifestyle.

I’m learning that to truly self care is to be present in the moment. To enjoy every moment of it down to each breath. So that you never miss a beat. Of course selfcare began to feel like a chore for me… I wasn’t even present in any of my activities and was looking at it as negative thing rather than a positive one. I was literally fitting it in like it was a job. Fast forward to my epiphany after getting sick… and perhaps the reason behind me getting sick. Well that and Germs. Lol!

I want to be in a space of complete presence. I want everyday to feel like a spa day, I know that it can’t but what I do know is, in that moment when my cup is beginning to feel a bit empty that I will consciously know when to self care and be present in that moment of love for myself because… Well…. I deserve it. I deserved it before and I still deserve it now, more than ever before.

Its been an emotional couple of weeks since the kids went back to school. Other years I was prepared, like a veteran getting the routine down pat. This time however… Let’s just say I haven’t bounced back from the summer and am trying to catch up. I was sloth tired, not wanting to get out of bed and forcing my body to move at a pace that was just not nice, so my body was telling me. I was definitely not listening to what my body was telling me because I am currently laid up at home with a cold. I NEVER catch a cold and I have an immune system of 10 armies. My army of fighters clearly needed to rest and recoup.

Note: Our bodies will sometimes force us into resting by knocking us out a an illness. It’s the spirit asking for us to STOP and RESTORE.  

Stop everything that you are doing including your thoughts and allow the spirit to restore its self to a proper balance.

Like I was saying this was the first year, I hadn’t had my shit together for back to school. My mind was still on laying under the sun. Can you blame me? I guess as you go through life you forget that everyone is growing up and so are you. I look like I’m 19 years old even though I’m 36, soon to be 37. Let’s hear it for the 80’s babies. The simpler times before life became more intricate. Well we’re in 2018 now, and when you think you have it all figured out as a person, an entrepreneur and especially a Mom and suddenly realize wait a minute this is a whole new phase I wasn’t prepared for. We were doing the best we could as parents, cause that’s  really all you can do… We make sure to give them all the love that they deserve and they deserve it all, and to see our son struggle with anxiety, all while trying to find his way through this now intricate world that has been created. It broke our hearts.

It broke my heart because it took me so long to get over anxiety and heal in general. It took many days of meditation and healing practices that I now teach and administer to others. I am a Reiki healer and intuitive counselor and not forget a kids yoga teacher…. and for some reason I couldn’t help my son. After tossing his cookies one morning and breaking out in a rash to wanting to come home early and crying in the school washroom. That wasn’t like my Marcus at all. I went straight to the principal and explained that he had began experiencing anxiety the begging of summer due to a tree almost fall on him and his friends during a wind storm. It was enough to get him spooked and enough for it to carry over and never fully recover. Only magnifying it with the change from grade 6 to grade 7.

We set him up with someone to talk to every Tuesday at school… he seems to like that, and because he’s bored outside when his friends go out at lunch  he helps out in the office, which he likes and so do I. This is all with the hopes that he gains confidence and finally settles into this new change.

While being on Mom duty, which is a 24/7 job I might add, I was also dealing with my emotional self. Wondering why I was so emotional and caught in my feelings. My period had  just ended. I should feel a bounce back, which I normally do. This time, I was forgetting everything. Thy Gym keys yesterday, the girls went to school with no juice box, my keys to the apartment when I took the dog for a walk… I’m pretty sure the list goes on but I can’t even remember that. LOL!

It got me thinking though. You know, as to why I felt like mush and didn’t know my right to my left. For the first time in along time, I hadn’t a clue what the Fuck I was doing with my life and where it was going. I cancelled one of my classes permanently. I was rushing into a lot of things and making decisions out of frustration.  Sometimes when we are clumsy, it’s our spirit telling us to slow down. I can’t lie… I even went as far as to question if I was really healed from all the trauma I suffered growing up. Sigh! I am about to embark on a new project. One that I was sitting on for a long time and knowing that I would do it with this particular amazing woman, I call my friend and in the way that seems fitting through Indigenous traditions and culture. We will be facilitating a women’s group that will aid in healing trauma that can lead to anxiety. We will be getting funding towards this amazing opportunity…. So how can I reach these people if I don’t tell my story? being the quiet one who just listens.  I never thought that the things I experienced was even relevant or of any importance and so I buried it away. Only find to finds other ways to heal or reprogram my thoughts or even me for that matter. The only things is I every so often resort back to those thoughts of mistrust and fear of only being able to rely on myself when times are rough….. and that’s just no true.

So have I fully healed? I now know that healing takes time. it takes emotions to be felt and expressed in any way that allows your body, mind and spirit to breathe. The roots of your trauma can run deep, so deep that it touches your ancestors…. and if we don’t heal from the core and sever those old thoughts and beliefs than we will forever be coping. I’m tired of just coping… I WANT TO LIVE!!! And I want others to live as well.

In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully be meeting with an elder. I never had the opportunity to meet my grandparents in person, and have always had a fascination with the wise thoughts and presence that an older person brings to the table.

Well I look forward to getting back to the new Me! This is only the beginning of me diving deeper into the vault of my psyche…. Just when you’re getting the hang of it.