Make a commitment.

To yourself

To the process

To the ups and the downs

A commitment to growth

And transformation

LIBERATION!!!

Righteous Sun

I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we got on to the topic of commitment. What does it mean to truly be committed? And is putting a ring on it actually mean that the man is committed to you?

Let’s get into it…. Some women feel that if their significant other puts a ring on it, it means that they are taking the next step to commitment. However, some men feel that if I have kids with you and living with you then I’m committed and you don’t need a ring.

What are your thoughts?

I said commitment means more to me than just a ring on my finger. If you’re that type of person that is into the symbolism of a ring, then putting a ring on it  means that you’re committing to every piece of that person. The good and the stuff we’re still working through…. Now I’m committed to learning about myself and how I interact with my partner. I’m committed to being patient as he grows and transforms as an individual and as a partner. (Because you have to do both in order for any relationship to last.) We have to be committed to change in and outside ourselves because as we know, no one and nothing  stays the same.

Now just because you get a ring, that doesn’t mean the person is fully committed. How do you know if someone is committed?… Real Simple…

They are committed to themselves first and foremost. Now you’re probably thinking, wait! committed to just themselves?… Isn’t that a little selfish?… It’s not when that person is committing to being the best they can be for themselves and for the person they are involved with. That means growing in every possible way for the greater good.

To make a commitment means that you place value on the person you and who you are becoming. To take it one step further, once you realize that there is no separation between who you are and who you are becoming… Well then…. You are on your way, if not already there. Remember we are universal. We are past, present and Future all in one.

So what now?…. We begin by taking  baby steps towards a commitment to yourself and to the whole process. I love using my screensavers on my laptop and phone for inspirational quotes and affirmations. You use your electronics all the time, so you might as well benefit from them in a way that can remind your spirit who they are and why they’re here.

Another tip that can help in the process is to commit to one day a month of pampering yourself. Just for you. I know it’s getting cold outside if you live in the colder climates, so drop the kids off for a play date and spend the day at home… not cleaning but pampering yourself. I love nice hot baths with essential calming oils that will soothe. Light some candles and VOILA! oh yes!… We can’t forget that favourite bottle of wine. Making a commitment to yourself means that you have to be consistent. So never say that you don’t have time for you… You should always have time for you! The Universe made a commitment to you the day you were born and that my friends is a commitment that will last a lifetime!

Affirmation: I AM COMMITTED TO MYSELF AND THE PROCESS AS A WHOLE.

I’m fighting for my inner child who never said a word

I’m writing for the inner child whose words might have gone unheard

For the inner child whose vision of what love really is, was blurred

I will Love You

I will protect You

I will honour You

And will be there for all your breakthroughs.

Righteous Sun

Sometimes, we forget that our inner child is still with us and has never really left. It’s just that we grow up. We grow up and think that what’s in the past is in the past. That we should be over anything that happened to us as a child. Sometimes the memories as a child could have been so rough, that we even force ourselves to forget but have vague memories of all the good that occurred in our lives as kids if any.

What we need to do is call out to that inner child that still comes around when we are reminded of the unpleasantry of our past. When we really haven’t healed those things from our childhood but have found ways to cope.

I’ve learned that even though some parts of my childhood sucked, there were positive things that I’ve taken with me. Things that have always been there and sum up who I AM and who I’m meant to be. I remember someone saying to me, “Invite your inner child to come along for the ride.” See, your inner child might be scared at first but it’s ok, just take them by the hand and reassure them that they are safe. I mean, you can’t have one without the other. You need your inner child for play…. And you have to admit it’s just as fun being an adult as it is being a kid, if you play you cards right!

So in those moments when the adult in you is wanting to take that chance or make that move but is ultimately frozen in fear, just tell your inner child that everything will be ok and that you can’t do it without them.

Inner Child is imagination. It is Resiliency. The ability to look at things with wonder and awww. Most of all it is the ability to grow and transform.

Today’s Affirmation is: I am gentle to my inner child as we uncover and release the old for the new.

I am about 85% better from the cold that knocked me out a few days ago and  of course was met with some challenges along the way to health. I am loving the summer weather in the fall but a bit hard to enjoy  it when you’re running a fever and still on Mommy duties. You would think vitamin D would do me some good but it really only made me light headed, especially when taking the dog for a walk or any activity for that matter. Its amazing how something so good for you isn’t always good for you in that particular moment. It’s like the Universe has been asking me to fall back and be reclusive like a hermit. Shade is currently my new best friend. Funny right?…

With all this free time being sick, it only gave me more time to rest and restore but most of all listen. Listen to what the Universe had to say to me. Do you ever feel like a completely brand new person after getting over a cold?, like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. With all the stress and not feeling well and a whole wack of other goodies, I have honestly felt like things will get better from here.

Note: listen to the words that come out of your mouth when you talk. It is a clear reflection of where you are in your life currently.

I just realized that rather than me writing, “Things can get better”, which means there is the possibility of things getting better, I wrote’ “Things WILL get better.” Which is a declaration to the Universe and yourself.

Anyway, all this time got me thinking how I got to this point. Not like it matters, cause a cold is a cold. But it matters in the sense that I can learn something from myself of how to better protect myself when it comes to my cup being half empty and refilling it back up in healthy ways.

After having my kids and jumping full fledge into being a stay ay Mom, I just felt like I was ready and able to give them all of me. I had made a conscious effort to put ME aside and focus on them. What I thought was a good idea at the time, eventually turned into me feeling very drained and tired. I wasn’t really taking care of myself in the best way possible. Devoting my entire life to the kids and  neglecting myself wasn’t at all my intentions but I continued with the thought that, ” I had my fun in the past and it was all for the them now”. It was only when I had hit a point of not wanting to look at myself in the mirror and beginning to feel low self esteem that I realized, enough was enough. I had an epiphany and felt like it was time to reclaim a piece of me.

When you look good, you’ll feel good. It’s a visual thing that gets the ball rolling to self love. Before having kids, I…. without fail would go and get a manicure every two weeks and my hair done once a month. I enjoyed every minute of it. I would always get funky designs and colours, it totally represented my spirit and life at the time, Wild and Free. They knew me there and it was always a treat. With my hair….. Well, I’ve been getting my hair done ever since I could talk and use the washroom on my own. And whether I liked it or not, My hair was getting done. So it became a habit and a way of life for any female of colour. I never really saw hair as being a self care regimen.

It was only when I had benched myself from life that I realized those things weren’t just treats and habits but were also essential to my sanity as a Mother and a human being.

Did you know you can tell a lot from a persons hair and scalp? You can find out what vitamins and nutrients a person is missing just by looking at their hair. Amazing! As soon as I declared it to my partner and the Universe that Mommy was taking back her life and consciously making an effort to make time for herself and selfcare. I found a hairdresser in the neighborhood who I am now great friends to help me along the way. I can’t lie though…. I was doing so well with the upkeep. It was like a year and a half of “All about ME!” and then… Well I’m not really sure what happened but my self care regimen wasn’t at all what it used to be. I wasn’t always getting my nails done and I began to try and squeeze an my appointment  whenever and wherever I could. I thought it got easier when the kids got older… It didn’t. LOL!

Before I knew it, my self care regimen became a chore. My 2 hour Mommy time of getting my nails done was no longer fun. I would look at the time constantly wondering when I would be done so I could go back to my job of being a Mom and working in my small business. I began fitting it into my busy schedule rather than make time for it. I can now look back and know that there was a moment when I stopped feeling relaxed about taking care of myself. I stopped feeling relaxed while getting my hair done. It became more of a hurry up type of feeling or a feeling of dread that I had to take time out of my busy schedule to make myself look proper. (Just went British for a moment.)

Note to self: Self care should never feel like a chore and should be a lifestyle.

I’m learning that to truly self care is to be present in the moment. To enjoy every moment of it down to each breath. So that you never miss a beat. Of course selfcare began to feel like a chore for me… I wasn’t even present in any of my activities and was looking at it as negative thing rather than a positive one. I was literally fitting it in like it was a job. Fast forward to my epiphany after getting sick… and perhaps the reason behind me getting sick. Well that and Germs. Lol!

I want to be in a space of complete presence. I want everyday to feel like a spa day, I know that it can’t but what I do know is, in that moment when my cup is beginning to feel a bit empty that I will consciously know when to self care and be present in that moment of love for myself because… Well…. I deserve it. I deserved it before and I still deserve it now, more than ever before.

Its been an emotional couple of weeks since the kids went back to school. Other years I was prepared, like a veteran getting the routine down pat. This time however… Let’s just say I haven’t bounced back from the summer and am trying to catch up. I was sloth tired, not wanting to get out of bed and forcing my body to move at a pace that was just not nice, so my body was telling me. I was definitely not listening to what my body was telling me because I am currently laid up at home with a cold. I NEVER catch a cold and I have an immune system of 10 armies. My army of fighters clearly needed to rest and recoup.

Note: Our bodies will sometimes force us into resting by knocking us out a an illness. It’s the spirit asking for us to STOP and RESTORE.  

Stop everything that you are doing including your thoughts and allow the spirit to restore its self to a proper balance.

Like I was saying this was the first year, I hadn’t had my shit together for back to school. My mind was still on laying under the sun. Can you blame me? I guess as you go through life you forget that everyone is growing up and so are you. I look like I’m 19 years old even though I’m 36, soon to be 37. Let’s hear it for the 80’s babies. The simpler times before life became more intricate. Well we’re in 2018 now, and when you think you have it all figured out as a person, an entrepreneur and especially a Mom and suddenly realize wait a minute this is a whole new phase I wasn’t prepared for. We were doing the best we could as parents, cause that’s  really all you can do… We make sure to give them all the love that they deserve and they deserve it all, and to see our son struggle with anxiety, all while trying to find his way through this now intricate world that has been created. It broke our hearts.

It broke my heart because it took me so long to get over anxiety and heal in general. It took many days of meditation and healing practices that I now teach and administer to others. I am a Reiki healer and intuitive counselor and not forget a kids yoga teacher…. and for some reason I couldn’t help my son. After tossing his cookies one morning and breaking out in a rash to wanting to come home early and crying in the school washroom. That wasn’t like my Marcus at all. I went straight to the principal and explained that he had began experiencing anxiety the begging of summer due to a tree almost fall on him and his friends during a wind storm. It was enough to get him spooked and enough for it to carry over and never fully recover. Only magnifying it with the change from grade 6 to grade 7.

We set him up with someone to talk to every Tuesday at school… he seems to like that, and because he’s bored outside when his friends go out at lunch  he helps out in the office, which he likes and so do I. This is all with the hopes that he gains confidence and finally settles into this new change.

While being on Mom duty, which is a 24/7 job I might add, I was also dealing with my emotional self. Wondering why I was so emotional and caught in my feelings. My period had  just ended. I should feel a bounce back, which I normally do. This time, I was forgetting everything. Thy Gym keys yesterday, the girls went to school with no juice box, my keys to the apartment when I took the dog for a walk… I’m pretty sure the list goes on but I can’t even remember that. LOL!

It got me thinking though. You know, as to why I felt like mush and didn’t know my right to my left. For the first time in along time, I hadn’t a clue what the Fuck I was doing with my life and where it was going. I cancelled one of my classes permanently. I was rushing into a lot of things and making decisions out of frustration.  Sometimes when we are clumsy, it’s our spirit telling us to slow down. I can’t lie… I even went as far as to question if I was really healed from all the trauma I suffered growing up. Sigh! I am about to embark on a new project. One that I was sitting on for a long time and knowing that I would do it with this particular amazing woman, I call my friend and in the way that seems fitting through Indigenous traditions and culture. We will be facilitating a women’s group that will aid in healing trauma that can lead to anxiety. We will be getting funding towards this amazing opportunity…. So how can I reach these people if I don’t tell my story? being the quiet one who just listens.  I never thought that the things I experienced was even relevant or of any importance and so I buried it away. Only find to finds other ways to heal or reprogram my thoughts or even me for that matter. The only things is I every so often resort back to those thoughts of mistrust and fear of only being able to rely on myself when times are rough….. and that’s just no true.

So have I fully healed? I now know that healing takes time. it takes emotions to be felt and expressed in any way that allows your body, mind and spirit to breathe. The roots of your trauma can run deep, so deep that it touches your ancestors…. and if we don’t heal from the core and sever those old thoughts and beliefs than we will forever be coping. I’m tired of just coping… I WANT TO LIVE!!! And I want others to live as well.

In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully be meeting with an elder. I never had the opportunity to meet my grandparents in person, and have always had a fascination with the wise thoughts and presence that an older person brings to the table.

Well I look forward to getting back to the new Me! This is only the beginning of me diving deeper into the vault of my psyche…. Just when you’re getting the hang of it.

Wow! what a title right? You know what’s funny?…. I’ve actually left the title blank just in case one of the kids wake up and come into the living room… They can read you know…LOL! and they’re nosy like all kids.

For some reason, I feel like my body is going through a metamorphosis of some kind. Like a combination of the Transformers meets Care Bears slash Jem and the Holograms. That fall season is creeping up. Summertime was fun but it’s time to go deeper within. In thought and in life, and the changing of the weather does that. Fall brings a sophistication to the whole changing of the seasons.

But….. Back to the title and why I chose it. I LOVE astrology charts and horoscopes, Tarot cards, you get the idea. I love anything that connects back to the centre of it all. So in my younger days, I took it very seriously and would hang off of every word that I read when it came to a psychic or a horoscope. It’s like I would wait to hear what my horoscope said to make the next move. It never got out of hand but I became very reliant on it for emotional purposes. Not reading everything in entirety and only taking the pieces that I wanted. Sometimes great things came about and other times…. well let’s just….

You should always pay attention to the entire picture. That way you won’t miss a thing.

Anyways, it became this journey to find out ME!….. That’s why I read the horoscopes and went to the psychic, who was amazing by the way. She was like a Grandma to me if only for a bit. She was small in stature, Scottish and her name was Doreen. She was a gift to the world. We will leave that story for another day as well.

The more I read about astrology and the horoscope for the Libra sign, the more I began to understand that I could navigate through this world with the help of the Universe. The Universe within me really.

So I was sent a website that gives you a free detailed astrology chart once you put in all your info. I wasn’t going to do it because one of the things that I’ve been working on is to really and I mean really have more faith in myself and my intuition. I’ve done one before and it’s pretty accurate and this one was no different.  To be honest, Since I’ve made a commitment to get to know myself more on a deeper level, it has made me realize that I really fucking know more about my self than I thought. Reading as much as I could of the chart (it is crazy long!) only solidified all the hidden parts of me that only I already knew was there… I was just keeping to myself.  Those who are close to me know the hidden side of me from time to time and even then, only You know You in the end.

By reading my traits and how I operate in the world, I realized that I have a lot to offer the world and that it’s my traits and personality that has gotten me this far and will get me through the rest of this journey with the help of the Universe of course.

Getting the time to get to know the Fuck out of Yourself is probably the most important thing you can do in life. Even if no one else can see the work you’re doing internally, know that it is just as important.

Note to self: You can’t use your gifts talents and abilities if you don’t know who you are.

Just an update, I have posted up the Flyers for my official independent 8 week yoga class. I’m feeling really confident about it….. I was going to say that I feel really good about it but confident yelled in my ear so I had to switch it up. It’s time to shine the light and help others shine their light too.

I’m not afraid of the dark anymore!

 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and after having a not so great sleep, I woke up to Miss Aunt Flow this morning. Ladies, have you have had this moment where you feel this intense feeling of emotion that connects with you on some deep spiritual level, making you feel that your spiritual posse has some serious important message to divulge to you?… only to realize that it was just your period making you feel all types of ways?…and of course you can never decode the message.  I always feel like some High Priestess ready to spread deep knowledge to the world around that time of the month. Men take note; you can learn a lot from this. LOL!

Anyway now that I’m not all the way in my feelings and my emotions are not all over the place, I figured I would give myself some time to write. The kids are playing quietly with their friends after jumping around a hot ass gym for a bit. I clean a gym part time so that I can continue to live out my passion and see my dreams come true. A lot more work than I anticipated but worth it.

I have made a pack to release old thoughts and habits and replace them with positive encouragements and healthy habits. I’m beginning to realize that I have a duty to this body that I was born into and I want to see it shine in every way possible.

Note to self: Our spirit never wants to see us struggling or out of sorts. Its kind of like even though our bodies and spirits are one with each other, it still has a way of taking us off track every now then just to remind us of how it feels to be a hot mess. Cause we sure know no one out there likes to be a hot mess and misaligned with life.

Good question…. What are ways that you bounce back when you feel out of wack? and are you able to recognize when you are out of wack?

I know when it’s time to realign myself when I become like Tony Montana from Scarface… Just kidding…but I can get irritable when I’m emotionally off. This whole thing of feeling like a hermit has forced me to easily slip in and out of meditation. It feels pretty nice considering that has always been something that’s been hard for me to fully attain.

Higher Self: Meditation is not something that is attainable. It’s just something that always is.

Meaning Silence is always there…. Sometimes meditation can just sit above the surface, because our minds are so active that it actually takes longer for it to completely rest and be still. Leaving us to never fully deepen our conscious experience.

It’s kind of like the eclipse season is bringing us back to our source. The beginning of the beginning. You know what I’m talking about, Atlantis and the planet Sirius? The Mermaids, dragons and avatars?….  There was a time when everything lived in harmonious love. Remember?… If not, I’ll have to leave it for another blog session. It’s Actually one of my favourite memories that helped me to heal in a lot more ways than I even knew it would.

Great news!… I’ve sealed the deal with teaching yoga at the gym, starting in the Fall… Yeah ME!… I’ve also realized my worth and will be charging just a little under the going rate here in Toronto. Looking forward to teaching and generating more income from  what I love to do. Anyway off to take the kids to the park and tire them out hopefully.

FYI: As a parent, my favourite time of the day is bedtime…. LOL!

 

 

If you have been following me, you would know that on e of my major complaint is not having enough positive peeps in my life. You know the ones that I’m talking about. that Best Friend kind of peep. Now I’m not all about having to many people at my table, as it is by invite only, my friends list is pretty small. I believe that too many friends can cause confusion and delay. If you’re a parent, you know what I mean. (Thomas the Train movement on this page today).

As a kid I wanted to have as many friends as possible, so much so that I couldn’t see between those who had my best interest at hand and those who didn’t. I carried that unwavering feeling of trying to fit in all the way to adulthood. Having kids changed that right away for me. I became a hermit. I think I always I’ve always enjoyed my own company really. I talk to myself and I answer back. I am truly my own best friend. I take my own pics to…..LOL! Sometimes it can be lonely as fuck though. No one to really laugh at your jokes or sing with you in that moment when its needed. No one to come over and have a girls night with….. I do get along with women, I promise.  Sigh!

Maybe its for the best….. Not having a lot of girlfriends and all. It just makes things messy. right? For some reason we get jealous way to easy and God forbid we find a man, well that best friend will be M.I.A. until further notice. We become Moms and go M.I.A. Here’s a thought, when we go missing in action, and don’t respond to ourselves, then it’s like we go missing from our true selves, and its up to us to find ourselves again.

Maybe its the Universe telling me to cool it down and relax. There is still more work to be done internally, but I’m still human. I still want to kick back with my girls, whoever they may be.

Sometimes I’m waiting for the Universe to tell me something magical only to tell me to dive deeper. like how much deeper can go. How much deeper do I have to go to see the fruits of my labour? This retrograde has me fucked up. Honestly!…. How about you? how have you been holding up?

Ever since being initiated into Reiki, I lost a lot of people who were no longer on the same vibration level as me. See what reiki does is allows the body to heal itself through light touch administered by a practitioner. If initiated, the practitioner’s spirit fast tracks to the next highest vibrational level. leaving others who are running on a lower vibrational level to fall of. So basically those who do not serve my higher purpose… well, “Boy Bye”. Good for my spirit, it needed a purge. wait1…getting something….. They said, that for all the things that are going to happen for you in and in your life… all of it being major, that we want to make sure that you have the right people in your corner. You know, the ones that genuinely have your back? that really just want to see you win…because when you, we all win.

I have been in my feelings like Drake with Keke, while also acting up like I’m on my worst behaviour or on the verge of it. That’s it I’m definitely in need of some meditation time. Go with the flow, reflect and connect and everything will soon pass. My mantra for the rest of the day. What are ways that you try and connect to other women who are in alignment with the same flow. mind you everyone’s flow is unique but you can still be on the same wave length. Have you had t a change of friends? or realizing that it’s time for change. Are your friends serving your higher purpose and spirit?

And is it lonely at the top? Once again would love to here your thoughts and comments.