Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

It’s all coming back to me now. That passion to create any outfit depending on my mood. That feeling of expressing yourself without saying a word. I remember my Mom having her motto when it came to shopping for me. “If its ugly then Rashida will love it.” She was right! Although I never though of it as ugly, I just thought of it as different . I’m 5’0, so I always wanted to stand out and given the fact that I grew up in a household that was very scary, I was definitely not stepping out of line. So fashion became my thing. Bright colours and PATTERNS were and still are my thing. I think patterns can really express the inner psyche of a person. Remember our spirits are an array of colours that represent the rainbow, and tell me one person who doesn’t love a rainbow. Tell me!

Even on my bad day an outfit can be the thing that gets me out of my funk. It’s a visual thing for me. If you visually see yourself in the best of light, looking finessed like you have somewhere to go then eventually your mind will switch up! now that doesn’t mean that you always have to dress up , but why not? Like I’ve said before

Adorn Your Temple

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When I put on a fierce outfit, it makes me feel like I’m already in the life that I want. You know that feeling… almost like you’re putting on your superhero cape. When the outfit goes on and every accessory is just right…That’s when the super powers kick in. Super powers of a great outfit?…

Intense confidence, boldness, and most importantly a carefree attitude. I take everyone by storm with my wild  exuberance and efficiency of a BOSS! I have a drive that is focused and unstoppable. All while looking FABULOUS! Even better when the items are on sale…Lol!

So remember that sometimes it’s the visual that gives us the jump start to what we want. It’s our imagination that helps us to believe in the impossible, which was always possible in my opinion. Embrace and inhabit your own style that excites and brightens your spirit. If it feels good to you and feels comfortable on then Rock it!

Affirmation: My style is my superpower 

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These words popped up into my head yesterday. When I heard a family in my neighborhood arguing. Screaming is more like it if you ask me. Anyways, it made me think of me as a kid when my parents would argue. As kid it felt more like screaming and fighting which I still believe is the case now as an adult. I strongly believe that anything can be hashed out with a heated discussion but not aggressive arguments that lead to nowhere. Screaming and yelling is only saying that I am only willing to hear my own voice and opinion and no one else’s thoughts, feelings or words matter.

It just made me think because kids live there and more often then not the adults are fighting. Those same kids are then coming to school and acting out… I wonder why?…As a child who experienced similar situations, I became very quiet and disconnected from people, especially my family and eventually the world. It took  along time for me realize I was safe and that it was safe to use my words. I see it in some of these children who have to experience this unhealthy way of living.

Who will they be when they’re older and how are they going to interact with the world and themselves?

The definition of a By-product is a secondary product derived from a manufacturing process or chemical reaction. It is not the primary product or service being produced.

Did we get that?… it is only secondary and manufactured but not the primary product. Our primary product is our spirit and our spirit is innocent and pure when we come into this world. The by-product is the manufactured bull shit of society. The manufactured belief system that has been engineered and  engrained in our psyche for so long that it has traveled through our ancestors to us in the present day. So am I a by-product of my existence?…Yes, forced into it if you asked me but I made an oath to myself that I would never stay packaged. My packaging and my product will be forever changing and that is what defines who I am.

So for those kids who are now adults who are still a by-product and scarred… For all the children who are currently living in an unhealthy home….. Just breathe, (sigh) no that you are in control of You and your spirit. No one is in charge of your heart and how you use it. So use it for only love.

Affirmation: I have the ability to change my whole existence for the better through love

Ok guys!… When is enough in your books? I mean what is your breaking point in terms of reaching your limit?… I am currently in the process of moving my kids to school that is a lot safer and with like minded people. When I moved into my neighborhood, I was in transition. I matched perfectly with my neighborhood and what the current issues are. constantly in fight or Flight mode. I began learning and healing and eventually growing and transforming out of the trauma. It was like it no longer served my purpose. I had healed and moved on. I allowed my kids to stay at a school where it was obviously unsafe but I couldn’t see that because I was in the same transition as them. I want to say,’ How could I be so blind but when you wake up, its not all at once, its in stages.  Right? I’ve grown in stages and I am about to complete a phase in my life. No more Fight or Flight mode. I’m in living mode for myself and my family.

So how do you now you’ve reached the end of a phase?….

You’re reaction to the same situation is different this time. it’s like you no longer have time for the same story and feelings that comes along with it. You can now recognize how it makes you feel and quickly create boundaries to protect yourself.

You will feel like you’ve reached the end of a chapter. A completion and possibly a resolution that was never quite there until now. If we’re lucky, it can occur around a your Birthday or New Years. Those are endings and beginning kind of moments.

If you’re not already hanging out with like minded people…. You will!… the old you can’t fuck around with the same energy… I remember hearing someone say, “I’ll still fuck with you but I won’t stay stuck with you. Words to live by. Even then, be careful who you continue to hang with. If they aren’t for the greater good of you and the process then it’s time to level up to people who match your vibration.

As we get ready to end 2018 and move on to 2019. 2+1+9= 12 and twelve means completions. 2018 was and is about our dreams and desires and making them known to the Universe and 2019 is all about putting them into practice and watching them flourish.

It feels nice to let go and move on and I look forward to the continued growth that I’m committed to.

Affirmation: I AM OPEN TO ALL THE POSITIVITY THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS TO OFFER

Make a commitment.

To yourself

To the process

To the ups and the downs

A commitment to growth

And transformation

LIBERATION!!!

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I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we got on to the topic of commitment. What does it mean to truly be committed? And is putting a ring on it actually mean that the man is committed to you?

Let’s get into it…. Some women feel that if their significant other puts a ring on it, it means that they are taking the next step to commitment. However, some men feel that if I have kids with you and living with you then I’m committed and you don’t need a ring.

What are your thoughts?

I said commitment means more to me than just a ring on my finger. If you’re that type of person that is into the symbolism of a ring, then putting a ring on it  means that you’re committing to every piece of that person. The good and the stuff we’re still working through…. Now I’m committed to learning about myself and how I interact with my partner. I’m committed to being patient as he grows and transforms as an individual and as a partner. (Because you have to do both in order for any relationship to last.) We have to be committed to change in and outside ourselves because as we know, no one and nothing  stays the same.

Now just because you get a ring, that doesn’t mean the person is fully committed. How do you know if someone is committed?… Real Simple…

They are committed to themselves first and foremost. Now you’re probably thinking, wait! committed to just themselves?… Isn’t that a little selfish?… It’s not when that person is committing to being the best they can be for themselves and for the person they are involved with. That means growing in every possible way for the greater good.

To make a commitment means that you place value on the person you and who you are becoming. To take it one step further, once you realize that there is no separation between who you are and who you are becoming… Well then…. You are on your way, if not already there. Remember we are universal. We are past, present and Future all in one.

So what now?…. We begin by taking  baby steps towards a commitment to yourself and to the whole process. I love using my screensavers on my laptop and phone for inspirational quotes and affirmations. You use your electronics all the time, so you might as well benefit from them in a way that can remind your spirit who they are and why they’re here.

Another tip that can help in the process is to commit to one day a month of pampering yourself. Just for you. I know it’s getting cold outside if you live in the colder climates, so drop the kids off for a play date and spend the day at home… not cleaning but pampering yourself. I love nice hot baths with essential calming oils that will soothe. Light some candles and VOILA! oh yes!… We can’t forget that favourite bottle of wine. Making a commitment to yourself means that you have to be consistent. So never say that you don’t have time for you… You should always have time for you! The Universe made a commitment to you the day you were born and that my friends is a commitment that will last a lifetime!

Affirmation: I AM COMMITTED TO MYSELF AND THE PROCESS AS A WHOLE.

I am about 85% better from the cold that knocked me out a few days ago and  of course was met with some challenges along the way to health. I am loving the summer weather in the fall but a bit hard to enjoy  it when you’re running a fever and still on Mommy duties. You would think vitamin D would do me some good but it really only made me light headed, especially when taking the dog for a walk or any activity for that matter. Its amazing how something so good for you isn’t always good for you in that particular moment. It’s like the Universe has been asking me to fall back and be reclusive like a hermit. Shade is currently my new best friend. Funny right?…

With all this free time being sick, it only gave me more time to rest and restore but most of all listen. Listen to what the Universe had to say to me. Do you ever feel like a completely brand new person after getting over a cold?, like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. With all the stress and not feeling well and a whole wack of other goodies, I have honestly felt like things will get better from here.

Note: listen to the words that come out of your mouth when you talk. It is a clear reflection of where you are in your life currently.

I just realized that rather than me writing, “Things can get better”, which means there is the possibility of things getting better, I wrote’ “Things WILL get better.” Which is a declaration to the Universe and yourself.

Anyway, all this time got me thinking how I got to this point. Not like it matters, cause a cold is a cold. But it matters in the sense that I can learn something from myself of how to better protect myself when it comes to my cup being half empty and refilling it back up in healthy ways.

After having my kids and jumping full fledge into being a stay ay Mom, I just felt like I was ready and able to give them all of me. I had made a conscious effort to put ME aside and focus on them. What I thought was a good idea at the time, eventually turned into me feeling very drained and tired. I wasn’t really taking care of myself in the best way possible. Devoting my entire life to the kids and  neglecting myself wasn’t at all my intentions but I continued with the thought that, ” I had my fun in the past and it was all for the them now”. It was only when I had hit a point of not wanting to look at myself in the mirror and beginning to feel low self esteem that I realized, enough was enough. I had an epiphany and felt like it was time to reclaim a piece of me.

When you look good, you’ll feel good. It’s a visual thing that gets the ball rolling to self love. Before having kids, I…. without fail would go and get a manicure every two weeks and my hair done once a month. I enjoyed every minute of it. I would always get funky designs and colours, it totally represented my spirit and life at the time, Wild and Free. They knew me there and it was always a treat. With my hair….. Well, I’ve been getting my hair done ever since I could talk and use the washroom on my own. And whether I liked it or not, My hair was getting done. So it became a habit and a way of life for any female of colour. I never really saw hair as being a self care regimen.

It was only when I had benched myself from life that I realized those things weren’t just treats and habits but were also essential to my sanity as a Mother and a human being.

Did you know you can tell a lot from a persons hair and scalp? You can find out what vitamins and nutrients a person is missing just by looking at their hair. Amazing! As soon as I declared it to my partner and the Universe that Mommy was taking back her life and consciously making an effort to make time for herself and selfcare. I found a hairdresser in the neighborhood who I am now great friends to help me along the way. I can’t lie though…. I was doing so well with the upkeep. It was like a year and a half of “All about ME!” and then… Well I’m not really sure what happened but my self care regimen wasn’t at all what it used to be. I wasn’t always getting my nails done and I began to try and squeeze an my appointment  whenever and wherever I could. I thought it got easier when the kids got older… It didn’t. LOL!

Before I knew it, my self care regimen became a chore. My 2 hour Mommy time of getting my nails done was no longer fun. I would look at the time constantly wondering when I would be done so I could go back to my job of being a Mom and working in my small business. I began fitting it into my busy schedule rather than make time for it. I can now look back and know that there was a moment when I stopped feeling relaxed about taking care of myself. I stopped feeling relaxed while getting my hair done. It became more of a hurry up type of feeling or a feeling of dread that I had to take time out of my busy schedule to make myself look proper. (Just went British for a moment.)

Note to self: Self care should never feel like a chore and should be a lifestyle.

I’m learning that to truly self care is to be present in the moment. To enjoy every moment of it down to each breath. So that you never miss a beat. Of course selfcare began to feel like a chore for me… I wasn’t even present in any of my activities and was looking at it as negative thing rather than a positive one. I was literally fitting it in like it was a job. Fast forward to my epiphany after getting sick… and perhaps the reason behind me getting sick. Well that and Germs. Lol!

I want to be in a space of complete presence. I want everyday to feel like a spa day, I know that it can’t but what I do know is, in that moment when my cup is beginning to feel a bit empty that I will consciously know when to self care and be present in that moment of love for myself because… Well…. I deserve it. I deserved it before and I still deserve it now, more than ever before.