I came home this morning from the cleaning the gym. What a mess it was. You wonder how one place can get so dirty…But then you realize it’s a bunch of girls in that gym… Nuff said. Anyways, To my surprise when I got home, my partner hadn’t left yet for work. That was a nice feeling. We’ve been a lot busier lately which means less time together and the time we do spend together is on the couch past out. Parents, I know you feel me.
The kids were still asleep, so I went out on the balcony to catch up on some silence. It’s always nice to catch the silence before all the hustle and bustle begins. So of course as I’m taking in the summer morning, it got me thinking…. Wow, this summer feels like a good summer. Now I’m not really sure what I meant by that at the time but I think I’m getting a handle on it.
Earlier in the month, I was feeling a bit guilty that I wasn’t really doing much with the kids. From our middle one in gymnastics 4 days a week for the whole summer and everyone working, non stop with no days off, it’s been interesting trying to navigate fun into the equation. So far the kids haven’t complained…. So far. Something about this morning made me feel like even though, I’m not taking the kids here and there, we’re still enjoying summer. It was like a sense of ease, which got me thinking even more. Since it was the eclipse and it’s all about letting go.
When I was a kids, all my friends would go on vacation during the summer. So while they were on summer vacation, they were on vacation. I, on the other hand was at home for most of the time being watched my sister or in day camp which I wasn’t very fond of. I also wasn’t fond of staying home for the entire summer. When it was the first day of school and the teacher asks the class to write about what they did for the summer, my paragraph didn’t have much details. I had to look at the difference from then and now… My summers were good but there was always this lingering feeling of worry and fear because you knew that your Dad would come home and perhaps get mad about something or perhaps your parents would start arguing which they often did. So deep down you could never really enjoy summer and let your hair down.
Fast forward to now. That feeling isn’t there. I think it was lingering around, and I never took the time to acknowledge it and release it. So I did that today. I released that feeling of tension and sadness that went along with that feeling of summers past. I sat on that balcony with a feeling of gratitude. I’m spending my summer in a loving home that I helped create. The days are filled with summer activities and BBQ’s, Morning are filled with birds chirping and the sun rising and I get to enjoy every bit of it with no worry or fear. Deep down that’s the type of summer I always wanted. Maybe it was never really about the vacations, although I still want to do plenty of travelling with the family. It was more about experiencing the peace and leisure of summer in a safe space which makes summer of course more enjoyable as a kid. I’m definitely grateful that my partner and I can provide that for our kids. Releasing what no longer serves me and filling it with my truth and my new reality.
Reminder: Even when you feel like the world is against you, just know that the Universe is for you.