life lessons, Uncategorized

The Not So Summer Blues

I came home this morning from the cleaning the gym. What a mess it was. You wonder how one place can get so dirty…But then you realize it’s a bunch of girls in that gym… Nuff said. Anyways, To my surprise when I got home, my partner hadn’t left yet for work. That was a nice feeling. We’ve been a lot busier lately which means less time together and the time we do spend together is on the couch past out. Parents, I know you feel me.

The kids were still asleep, so I went out on the balcony to catch up on some silence. It’s always nice to catch the silence before all the hustle and bustle begins. So of course as I’m taking in the summer morning, it got me thinking…. Wow, this summer feels like a good summer. Now I’m not really sure what I meant by that at the time but I think I’m getting a handle on it.

Earlier in the month, I was feeling a bit guilty that I wasn’t really doing much with the kids. From our middle one in gymnastics 4 days a week for the whole summer and everyone working, non stop with no days off, it’s been interesting trying to navigate fun into the equation. So far the kids haven’t complained…. So far. Something about this morning made me feel like even though, I’m not taking the kids here and there, we’re still enjoying summer. It was like a sense of ease, which got me thinking even more. Since it was the eclipse and it’s all about letting go.

When I was a kids, all my friends would go on vacation during the summer. So while they were on summer vacation, they were on vacation. I, on the other hand was at home for most of the time being watched my sister or in day camp which I wasn’t very fond of. I also wasn’t fond of staying home for the entire summer. When it was the first day of school and the teacher asks the class to write about what they did for the summer, my paragraph didn’t have much details. I had to look at the difference from then and now… My summers were good but there was always this lingering feeling of worry and fear because you knew that your Dad would come home and perhaps get mad about something or perhaps your parents would start arguing which they often did. So deep down you could never really enjoy summer and let your hair down.

Fast forward to now. That feeling isn’t there. I think it was lingering around, and I never took the time to acknowledge it and release it. So I did that today. I released that feeling of tension and sadness that went along with that feeling of summers past. I sat on that balcony with a feeling of gratitude. I’m  spending my summer in a loving home that I helped create. The days are filled with summer activities and BBQ’s, Morning are filled with birds chirping and the sun rising and I get to enjoy every bit of it with no worry or fear. Deep down that’s the type of summer I always wanted. Maybe it was never really about the vacations, although I still want to do plenty of travelling with the family. It was more about experiencing the peace and leisure of summer in a safe space which makes summer of course more enjoyable as a kid. I’m definitely grateful that my partner and I can provide that for our kids. Releasing what no longer serves me and filling it with my truth and my new reality.

Reminder: Even when you feel like the world is against you, just know that the Universe is for you.

 

Body, Mind & Spirit, Uncategorized

Finding the Rhythm

It’s Only been a week, yes since I’ve begun to find a rhythm. It has been a Mercury  Retrograde and it finally ended today. Now It’s time for reflection. It’s been really nice to finally get into the swing of things. So many of us are stuck in those habits that make us feel comfortable, but this Mercury retrograde is almost forcing us to break bad habits. To finally recognize those things that were holding us back and do what is right for our spirit. It’s about finding the rhythm and the balance.

As a parent with three kids. All who have different activities and lets not forget different personalities, I have to maintain a balance that allows me to stay unbothered as much as possible. I mean really, being a Mom is full of schedules and activities and it’s never ending, but the old me was to concerned with the overwhelming feeling of being able to take on all those tasks without burning myself out. Now I’ve to see that it’s the little self care moments that if you take it on at your own pace, you’ll find it will begin to help you in other areas of your life.

There’s a lo of us out there that believe that if we are constant grind  will get us to all our final destination or wish. The truth is… It’s about constantly feeding ourselves with the feel goods. From drinking water everyday as well as getting the proper amount of rest. However we also tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves by setting these outlandish goals  and when we don’t complete our desired goal that we set for ourselves, we immediately put ourselves down, give up and repeat the steps on a later date. You have to believe in your truth at that moment. Believe that you have the capabilities to reach that desired goal but at your own pace. Everyday will be different, which in my opinion is a good thing. Your body will tell you what it needs, just as long as you’re listening to your higher self to find out what feels good to your spirit.

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Nurturing the success of your children as well as yourself

Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

Chapter One pg.3

Well this morning went off as good as it possibly could. I mean I could have stayed in bed all day but morning called. Bonus was I was up before the children after the sleep over. The girls didn’t go to bed until 12:30am which means I didn’t actually go to bed until 1 in the morning. Anyways, My spiritual posse has been calling on me to pay attention, probably because I’ve had a lot on my mind. I pulled an amazing spread that spoke to me on so many levels.

As much about I’m always writing about how to navigate through the treacherous waters of life with love on your side, I’m still this littler girl with Big Dreams. I’ve always dreamt of owning my own business for as long as I could remember, I would play in my room as if it was my office, processing paperwork, all while looking after my baby doll. It was a cabbage patch kid. I’ve never thought I would do anything else. I could never quite put my finger on what the business would be but it was all mine. After having my son I couldn’t quite see myself not staying home to raise him. I also thought it was a good opportunity for me to start my dream business… Whatever that was. Now I’m very creative and am always wanting to invent and reinventing. I also never give up. I have had a lot of different people not believe in me, and honestly though I would make it. It just gave me more of a reason to work harder to prove to myself and to everyone else that dreams do come true.

So to be honest, I’ve been through many start ups and only just getting it off the shelf, only to put the dream back on the shelf. Frustrating of course. I’ve always let fear get to me. Fear of failing and having people tell me I told you so or this fear that I end up working this horrible desk job that pays a lot of money but makes me super miserable. All the woman in my life have worked great jobs but were never happy. So I thought if  did what they did, I would never have the opportunity to find out what makes me happy.  I think I finally figured it out. What makes me happy is ME!. Working on the unknown does for sure stress me out. I mean I do have to navigate between being a mom and being a business owner. Your time is always split, and both jobs are 24/7. But working on the unknown excites me. It makes me realize that I have a lot faith in myself or I wouldn’t keep getting back up again.

The tarot cards that I pulled were so accurate. Projects are fruitful, Faith and Confidence are high and will continue to rise. I need to stay focused AF and all will be well. I have to say, although my computer was giving me a mild heart attack earlier during the day due to all these software updates for 2019. Ugh!. Just when I’m trying to set 2019 off right. I guess it’s just a reminder that anything can happen during this process. I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to share.

Well before I head off to bed…. Yesterday was the first launch of Righteous Sun website out to the social media crowd. I kept it quiet to my Fam. I actually kept it quiet with almost everyone. I didn’t want the distractions, and I also second guess myself. This project feels different then the others. Maybe because for the first time it’s for me. Most of the other projects were for other people. Whether it was for my kids creating kids accessories for them or me giving a healing to others who were in need. This one just feels different. It makes me nervous as hell but I’m taking it all in stride. BTW… The launch is my online cosmetic and skin care Boutique. My goal is to provide people with all natural vegan friendly cruelty free cosmetics and skin care for the everyday and play!… You like those play on words?… Lol!

Ok Its getting late. I’m putting out there that I will be making $60,000 plus by the end of 2019. Big Dreams I guess… But Why Not?

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

In our Feelings

As you know its the holiday season and the kids are home from school from school for the next week or so. It means a lot more time spent together because we spent all that money on presents and are not spending anymore until 2019…. Lol!

On my IG account @righteoussoleil I posted a video of my son playing with Nintendo labs. It was one of the presents we bought him for Christmas. He loves Video games, science and nature. He’s also 12yrs old and has little to no patience when it comes to putting in time for the important stuff. He’s is also a Virgo and well, Virgo strive for perfection and can get frustrated if its not achieved to their liking. That’s my son and that’s what we’ve been trying to work on with him. It’s a life skill that is super important for all of us to learn.

Sometimes the good things in life might take a little longer to achieve. 

And patience is the key.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us, especially when we lose patience. Kind of like KIKI. When we get caught up in our feelings, we begin to think more in the upper part of the chakras. It just means that we are really caught up in our head, making us think irrationally. You know what they say, “Crisis first, think later”. Well do me a favour and don’t do that. When we think in crisis, we never give ourselves a chance to be present in our feelings. We react based on our thoughts rather then how it makes our body feel. How does your body feel when you fly off the handle and how beneficial is it to your body and spirit.

I have to admit that I can get moody from time to time but who doesn’t. We are human and we have feelings that must be expressed in order to grow. However, it doesn’t mean we have to ride the wild horse of frustration, anger or even sadness until we fall off and injure ourselves. It’s important to take the time to process the situations that we encounter. If it’s fucked up, then get angry just don’t let the anger get the best of you or you’ll miss out on all the loving lessons and blessing that can and will come your way.

“Don’t sweat the small things.”

He put the pieces together all on his own… He had a small moment but redeemed himself through patience and taming the wild horse of emotions within. I could be more proud of him….He’s growing up!

P.S. I’m sure as a Mom, this is just a start…Will he have other moments…Yes!…. But I’ll put this one in the books for a WIN!

Body, Mind & Spirit, life lessons, Uncategorized

Just When You’re Getting The Hang Of It.

Its been an emotional couple of weeks since the kids went back to school. Other years I was prepared, like a veteran getting the routine down pat. This time however… Let’s just say I haven’t bounced back from the summer and am trying to catch up. I was sloth tired, not wanting to get out of bed and forcing my body to move at a pace that was just not nice, so my body was telling me. I was definitely not listening to what my body was telling me because I am currently laid up at home with a cold. I NEVER catch a cold and I have an immune system of 10 armies. My army of fighters clearly needed to rest and recoup.

Note: Our bodies will sometimes force us into resting by knocking us out a an illness. It’s the spirit asking for us to STOP and RESTORE.  

Stop everything that you are doing including your thoughts and allow the spirit to restore its self to a proper balance.

Like I was saying this was the first year, I hadn’t had my shit together for back to school. My mind was still on laying under the sun. Can you blame me? I guess as you go through life you forget that everyone is growing up and so are you. I look like I’m 19 years old even though I’m 36, soon to be 37. Let’s hear it for the 80’s babies. The simpler times before life became more intricate. Well we’re in 2018 now, and when you think you have it all figured out as a person, an entrepreneur and especially a Mom and suddenly realize wait a minute this is a whole new phase I wasn’t prepared for. We were doing the best we could as parents, cause that’s  really all you can do… We make sure to give them all the love that they deserve and they deserve it all, and to see our son struggle with anxiety, all while trying to find his way through this now intricate world that has been created. It broke our hearts.

It broke my heart because it took me so long to get over anxiety and heal in general. It took many days of meditation and healing practices that I now teach and administer to others. I am a Reiki healer and intuitive counselor and not forget a kids yoga teacher…. and for some reason I couldn’t help my son. After tossing his cookies one morning and breaking out in a rash to wanting to come home early and crying in the school washroom. That wasn’t like my Marcus at all. I went straight to the principal and explained that he had began experiencing anxiety the begging of summer due to a tree almost fall on him and his friends during a wind storm. It was enough to get him spooked and enough for it to carry over and never fully recover. Only magnifying it with the change from grade 6 to grade 7.

We set him up with someone to talk to every Tuesday at school… he seems to like that, and because he’s bored outside when his friends go out at lunch  he helps out in the office, which he likes and so do I. This is all with the hopes that he gains confidence and finally settles into this new change.

While being on Mom duty, which is a 24/7 job I might add, I was also dealing with my emotional self. Wondering why I was so emotional and caught in my feelings. My period had  just ended. I should feel a bounce back, which I normally do. This time, I was forgetting everything. Thy Gym keys yesterday, the girls went to school with no juice box, my keys to the apartment when I took the dog for a walk… I’m pretty sure the list goes on but I can’t even remember that. LOL!

It got me thinking though. You know, as to why I felt like mush and didn’t know my right to my left. For the first time in along time, I hadn’t a clue what the Fuck I was doing with my life and where it was going. I cancelled one of my classes permanently. I was rushing into a lot of things and making decisions out of frustration.  Sometimes when we are clumsy, it’s our spirit telling us to slow down. I can’t lie… I even went as far as to question if I was really healed from all the trauma I suffered growing up. Sigh! I am about to embark on a new project. One that I was sitting on for a long time and knowing that I would do it with this particular amazing woman, I call my friend and in the way that seems fitting through Indigenous traditions and culture. We will be facilitating a women’s group that will aid in healing trauma that can lead to anxiety. We will be getting funding towards this amazing opportunity…. So how can I reach these people if I don’t tell my story? being the quiet one who just listens.  I never thought that the things I experienced was even relevant or of any importance and so I buried it away. Only find to finds other ways to heal or reprogram my thoughts or even me for that matter. The only things is I every so often resort back to those thoughts of mistrust and fear of only being able to rely on myself when times are rough….. and that’s just no true.

So have I fully healed? I now know that healing takes time. it takes emotions to be felt and expressed in any way that allows your body, mind and spirit to breathe. The roots of your trauma can run deep, so deep that it touches your ancestors…. and if we don’t heal from the core and sever those old thoughts and beliefs than we will forever be coping. I’m tired of just coping… I WANT TO LIVE!!! And I want others to live as well.

In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully be meeting with an elder. I never had the opportunity to meet my grandparents in person, and have always had a fascination with the wise thoughts and presence that an older person brings to the table.

Well I look forward to getting back to the new Me! This is only the beginning of me diving deeper into the vault of my psyche…. Just when you’re getting the hang of it.

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Messages from Aunt Flow

It’s a Sunday afternoon and after having a not so great sleep, I woke up to Miss Aunt Flow this morning. Ladies, have you have had this moment where you feel this intense feeling of emotion that connects with you on some deep spiritual level, making you feel that your spiritual posse has some serious important message to divulge to you?… only to realize that it was just your period making you feel all types of ways?…and of course you can never decode the message.  I always feel like some High Priestess ready to spread deep knowledge to the world around that time of the month. Men take note; you can learn a lot from this. LOL!

Anyway now that I’m not all the way in my feelings and my emotions are not all over the place, I figured I would give myself some time to write. The kids are playing quietly with their friends after jumping around a hot ass gym for a bit. I clean a gym part time so that I can continue to live out my passion and see my dreams come true. A lot more work than I anticipated but worth it.

I have made a pack to release old thoughts and habits and replace them with positive encouragements and healthy habits. I’m beginning to realize that I have a duty to this body that I was born into and I want to see it shine in every way possible.

Note to self: Our spirit never wants to see us struggling or out of sorts. Its kind of like even though our bodies and spirits are one with each other, it still has a way of taking us off track every now then just to remind us of how it feels to be a hot mess. Cause we sure know no one out there likes to be a hot mess and misaligned with life.

Good question…. What are ways that you bounce back when you feel out of wack? and are you able to recognize when you are out of wack?

I know when it’s time to realign myself when I become like Tony Montana from Scarface… Just kidding…but I can get irritable when I’m emotionally off. This whole thing of feeling like a hermit has forced me to easily slip in and out of meditation. It feels pretty nice considering that has always been something that’s been hard for me to fully attain.

Higher Self: Meditation is not something that is attainable. It’s just something that always is.

Meaning Silence is always there…. Sometimes meditation can just sit above the surface, because our minds are so active that it actually takes longer for it to completely rest and be still. Leaving us to never fully deepen our conscious experience.

It’s kind of like the eclipse season is bringing us back to our source. The beginning of the beginning. You know what I’m talking about, Atlantis and the planet Sirius? The Mermaids, dragons and avatars?….  There was a time when everything lived in harmonious love. Remember?… If not, I’ll have to leave it for another blog session. It’s Actually one of my favourite memories that helped me to heal in a lot more ways than I even knew it would.

Great news!… I’ve sealed the deal with teaching yoga at the gym, starting in the Fall… Yeah ME!… I’ve also realized my worth and will be charging just a little under the going rate here in Toronto. Looking forward to teaching and generating more income from  what I love to do. Anyway off to take the kids to the park and tire them out hopefully.

FYI: As a parent, my favourite time of the day is bedtime…. LOL!