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Nurturing the success of your children as well as yourself

Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

In our Feelings

As you know its the holiday season and the kids are home from school from school for the next week or so. It means a lot more time spent together because we spent all that money on presents and are not spending anymore until 2019…. Lol!

On my IG account @righteoussoleil I posted a video of my son playing with Nintendo labs. It was one of the presents we bought him for Christmas. He loves Video games, science and nature. He’s also 12yrs old and has little to no patience when it comes to putting in time for the important stuff. He’s is also a Virgo and well, Virgo strive for perfection and can get frustrated if its not achieved to their liking. That’s my son and that’s what we’ve been trying to work on with him. It’s a life skill that is super important for all of us to learn.

Sometimes the good things in life might take a little longer to achieve. 

And patience is the key.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us, especially when we lose patience. Kind of like KIKI. When we get caught up in our feelings, we begin to think more in the upper part of the chakras. It just means that we are really caught up in our head, making us think irrationally. You know what they say, “Crisis first, think later”. Well do me a favour and don’t do that. When we think in crisis, we never give ourselves a chance to be present in our feelings. We react based on our thoughts rather then how it makes our body feel. How does your body feel when you fly off the handle and how beneficial is it to your body and spirit.

I have to admit that I can get moody from time to time but who doesn’t. We are human and we have feelings that must be expressed in order to grow. However, it doesn’t mean we have to ride the wild horse of frustration, anger or even sadness until we fall off and injure ourselves. It’s important to take the time to process the situations that we encounter. If it’s fucked up, then get angry just don’t let the anger get the best of you or you’ll miss out on all the loving lessons and blessing that can and will come your way.

“Don’t sweat the small things.”

He put the pieces together all on his own… He had a small moment but redeemed himself through patience and taming the wild horse of emotions within. I could be more proud of him….He’s growing up!

P.S. I’m sure as a Mom, this is just a start…Will he have other moments…Yes!…. But I’ll put this one in the books for a WIN!

Body, Mind & Spirit, life lessons, Uncategorized

Self care shouldn’t be a chore

I am about 85% better from the cold that knocked me out a few days ago and  of course was met with some challenges along the way to health. I am loving the summer weather in the fall but a bit hard to enjoy  it when you’re running a fever and still on Mommy duties. You would think vitamin D would do me some good but it really only made me light headed, especially when taking the dog for a walk or any activity for that matter. Its amazing how something so good for you isn’t always good for you in that particular moment. It’s like the Universe has been asking me to fall back and be reclusive like a hermit. Shade is currently my new best friend. Funny right?…

With all this free time being sick, it only gave me more time to rest and restore but most of all listen. Listen to what the Universe had to say to me. Do you ever feel like a completely brand new person after getting over a cold?, like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. With all the stress and not feeling well and a whole wack of other goodies, I have honestly felt like things will get better from here.

Note: listen to the words that come out of your mouth when you talk. It is a clear reflection of where you are in your life currently.

I just realized that rather than me writing, “Things can get better”, which means there is the possibility of things getting better, I wrote’ “Things WILL get better.” Which is a declaration to the Universe and yourself.

Anyway, all this time got me thinking how I got to this point. Not like it matters, cause a cold is a cold. But it matters in the sense that I can learn something from myself of how to better protect myself when it comes to my cup being half empty and refilling it back up in healthy ways.

After having my kids and jumping full fledge into being a stay ay Mom, I just felt like I was ready and able to give them all of me. I had made a conscious effort to put ME aside and focus on them. What I thought was a good idea at the time, eventually turned into me feeling very drained and tired. I wasn’t really taking care of myself in the best way possible. Devoting my entire life to the kids and  neglecting myself wasn’t at all my intentions but I continued with the thought that, ” I had my fun in the past and it was all for the them now”. It was only when I had hit a point of not wanting to look at myself in the mirror and beginning to feel low self esteem that I realized, enough was enough. I had an epiphany and felt like it was time to reclaim a piece of me.

When you look good, you’ll feel good. It’s a visual thing that gets the ball rolling to self love. Before having kids, I…. without fail would go and get a manicure every two weeks and my hair done once a month. I enjoyed every minute of it. I would always get funky designs and colours, it totally represented my spirit and life at the time, Wild and Free. They knew me there and it was always a treat. With my hair….. Well, I’ve been getting my hair done ever since I could talk and use the washroom on my own. And whether I liked it or not, My hair was getting done. So it became a habit and a way of life for any female of colour. I never really saw hair as being a self care regimen.

It was only when I had benched myself from life that I realized those things weren’t just treats and habits but were also essential to my sanity as a Mother and a human being.

Did you know you can tell a lot from a persons hair and scalp? You can find out what vitamins and nutrients a person is missing just by looking at their hair. Amazing! As soon as I declared it to my partner and the Universe that Mommy was taking back her life and consciously making an effort to make time for herself and selfcare. I found a hairdresser in the neighborhood who I am now great friends to help me along the way. I can’t lie though…. I was doing so well with the upkeep. It was like a year and a half of “All about ME!” and then… Well I’m not really sure what happened but my self care regimen wasn’t at all what it used to be. I wasn’t always getting my nails done and I began to try and squeeze an my appointment  whenever and wherever I could. I thought it got easier when the kids got older… It didn’t. LOL!

Before I knew it, my self care regimen became a chore. My 2 hour Mommy time of getting my nails done was no longer fun. I would look at the time constantly wondering when I would be done so I could go back to my job of being a Mom and working in my small business. I began fitting it into my busy schedule rather than make time for it. I can now look back and know that there was a moment when I stopped feeling relaxed about taking care of myself. I stopped feeling relaxed while getting my hair done. It became more of a hurry up type of feeling or a feeling of dread that I had to take time out of my busy schedule to make myself look proper. (Just went British for a moment.)

Note to self: Self care should never feel like a chore and should be a lifestyle.

I’m learning that to truly self care is to be present in the moment. To enjoy every moment of it down to each breath. So that you never miss a beat. Of course selfcare began to feel like a chore for me… I wasn’t even present in any of my activities and was looking at it as negative thing rather than a positive one. I was literally fitting it in like it was a job. Fast forward to my epiphany after getting sick… and perhaps the reason behind me getting sick. Well that and Germs. Lol!

I want to be in a space of complete presence. I want everyday to feel like a spa day, I know that it can’t but what I do know is, in that moment when my cup is beginning to feel a bit empty that I will consciously know when to self care and be present in that moment of love for myself because… Well…. I deserve it. I deserved it before and I still deserve it now, more than ever before.

Body, Mind & Spirit, life lessons, Uncategorized

Just When You’re Getting The Hang Of It.

Its been an emotional couple of weeks since the kids went back to school. Other years I was prepared, like a veteran getting the routine down pat. This time however… Let’s just say I haven’t bounced back from the summer and am trying to catch up. I was sloth tired, not wanting to get out of bed and forcing my body to move at a pace that was just not nice, so my body was telling me. I was definitely not listening to what my body was telling me because I am currently laid up at home with a cold. I NEVER catch a cold and I have an immune system of 10 armies. My army of fighters clearly needed to rest and recoup.

Note: Our bodies will sometimes force us into resting by knocking us out a an illness. It’s the spirit asking for us to STOP and RESTORE.  

Stop everything that you are doing including your thoughts and allow the spirit to restore its self to a proper balance.

Like I was saying this was the first year, I hadn’t had my shit together for back to school. My mind was still on laying under the sun. Can you blame me? I guess as you go through life you forget that everyone is growing up and so are you. I look like I’m 19 years old even though I’m 36, soon to be 37. Let’s hear it for the 80’s babies. The simpler times before life became more intricate. Well we’re in 2018 now, and when you think you have it all figured out as a person, an entrepreneur and especially a Mom and suddenly realize wait a minute this is a whole new phase I wasn’t prepared for. We were doing the best we could as parents, cause that’s  really all you can do… We make sure to give them all the love that they deserve and they deserve it all, and to see our son struggle with anxiety, all while trying to find his way through this now intricate world that has been created. It broke our hearts.

It broke my heart because it took me so long to get over anxiety and heal in general. It took many days of meditation and healing practices that I now teach and administer to others. I am a Reiki healer and intuitive counselor and not forget a kids yoga teacher…. and for some reason I couldn’t help my son. After tossing his cookies one morning and breaking out in a rash to wanting to come home early and crying in the school washroom. That wasn’t like my Marcus at all. I went straight to the principal and explained that he had began experiencing anxiety the begging of summer due to a tree almost fall on him and his friends during a wind storm. It was enough to get him spooked and enough for it to carry over and never fully recover. Only magnifying it with the change from grade 6 to grade 7.

We set him up with someone to talk to every Tuesday at school… he seems to like that, and because he’s bored outside when his friends go out at lunch  he helps out in the office, which he likes and so do I. This is all with the hopes that he gains confidence and finally settles into this new change.

While being on Mom duty, which is a 24/7 job I might add, I was also dealing with my emotional self. Wondering why I was so emotional and caught in my feelings. My period had  just ended. I should feel a bounce back, which I normally do. This time, I was forgetting everything. Thy Gym keys yesterday, the girls went to school with no juice box, my keys to the apartment when I took the dog for a walk… I’m pretty sure the list goes on but I can’t even remember that. LOL!

It got me thinking though. You know, as to why I felt like mush and didn’t know my right to my left. For the first time in along time, I hadn’t a clue what the Fuck I was doing with my life and where it was going. I cancelled one of my classes permanently. I was rushing into a lot of things and making decisions out of frustration.  Sometimes when we are clumsy, it’s our spirit telling us to slow down. I can’t lie… I even went as far as to question if I was really healed from all the trauma I suffered growing up. Sigh! I am about to embark on a new project. One that I was sitting on for a long time and knowing that I would do it with this particular amazing woman, I call my friend and in the way that seems fitting through Indigenous traditions and culture. We will be facilitating a women’s group that will aid in healing trauma that can lead to anxiety. We will be getting funding towards this amazing opportunity…. So how can I reach these people if I don’t tell my story? being the quiet one who just listens.  I never thought that the things I experienced was even relevant or of any importance and so I buried it away. Only find to finds other ways to heal or reprogram my thoughts or even me for that matter. The only things is I every so often resort back to those thoughts of mistrust and fear of only being able to rely on myself when times are rough….. and that’s just no true.

So have I fully healed? I now know that healing takes time. it takes emotions to be felt and expressed in any way that allows your body, mind and spirit to breathe. The roots of your trauma can run deep, so deep that it touches your ancestors…. and if we don’t heal from the core and sever those old thoughts and beliefs than we will forever be coping. I’m tired of just coping… I WANT TO LIVE!!! And I want others to live as well.

In the next couple of weeks I will hopefully be meeting with an elder. I never had the opportunity to meet my grandparents in person, and have always had a fascination with the wise thoughts and presence that an older person brings to the table.

Well I look forward to getting back to the new Me! This is only the beginning of me diving deeper into the vault of my psyche…. Just when you’re getting the hang of it.

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Making Sense of it All

Wow!… Where to begin. To go all the way to the beginning would be a little much but would probably help me to understand why I am so committed to the term “Knowing Thy Self”.   Of course as a spiritual healer it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t tell you that everything is a little backwards right now because of the Retrograde happening  in outer space. For those who are not in the astrology loop, a retrograde is a great time to stop everything in its tracks and do three important things. Rest, Reflect and Relax. Sounds amazing doesn’t it? Well…. A retrograde doesn’t always work out that way. What normally happens is that it forces everything to stop dead in its tracks and then rewinds it, all to make sure that you got the message so that you don’t repeat it again.

In my opinion, Retrogrades are like a bully that keeps pushing you down even when you keep getting back up every single time. Now that my friend, is called resiliency.

Retrogrades have done a number on my life and it’s always been about the same thing…. Finances. I was never one to want to work for someone if it wasn’t making me feel fulfilled. I also still feel this up to  this day, that if I was dreading waking up and doing a job that I didn’t love then my life was for what?….If that makes any sense. I’ve had a dream ever since I was a little girl…. To give and receive as much love as possible in this life time.

I grew up in a family that showed little love if any. And I saw a lot of hard work that went into building a foundation off of materialistic items rather than healthy unapologetic LOVE. I can’t blame them… and maybe I can’t blame myself for the decision I’ve had to battle with.

After having my son who is now 12…. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him, I could never leave him in the care of not one single soul until he could speak for himself. I was supposed to go back to my job as a receptionist but I was just figuring this whole Mom thing out and just getting the hang of it. He brought so much joy and a surge of possibilities and wonders that I forgot was there. Besides, Daycare was and still is a mortgage payment. So with that I chose to stay home….

I went on to have two more kids, all of them three years apart. I worked part time here and there and every now and then would run into people who I thought had amazing jobs and lives,  going through University and whole bit  and they would say that they were unhappy. so how to make sense of it all….

I’ve never had much in terms of finances, even as a kid and I hated it! I hated not being able to go on trips around the world like all my friends, to go to Florida for March break. You get the gest of it. I still haven’t been to Disneyland and I’m pretty sure you can’t get to Disneyland on love alone…. Can you?

I’ve always dreamed of starting my own business spreading love and healing others because I know how difficult it is to heal on our own…. And when you’re a Mom where that child needs you for everything including it’s memories and happiness…Sigh!…It can feel like A LOT of pressure. I can confidently say that if I never took that night to just sit in silence on my balcony I would have never known the joy of meditation. If I never took that prenatal yoga class downtown, which I might add, I was super afraid to go to on my own but I did… I would have never known the true joy and  of the gentleness of my body and what it was capable of doing. Body, mind and spirit. It changed my life.

You know now that I think about it…. It was spirit all along guiding me back to me. I did what I said I was going to do which was to open a healing business. However business has been slow getting off the ground. Yoga could be more consistent and that comes down to me having more confidence in going out there and believing in my gifts and promoting myself.

So I’m not sure if the Universe trying to tell me to find the balance of working a full time job to create a stable foundation to continue to work of the Universe or is it that the stable foundation comes from healthy love and the rest is history. Just trust the process.

I’ve went to many of profound gifted people who have all said that I will have a business that will literally grow on its own.  So far so good in the Yoga department. That I will travel the world spreading positive vibes and love and that I will inspire many people in the process. In the core of my being, I believe that with all my heart. It’s a bit difficult to see the bigger picture when other obstacles get in the way though.

The truth is….. I don’t want to go back to work full time in the corporate world. I’ve worked so hard in not only finding my voice and building the confidence to achieve what I’ve achieved up to this point and those are amazing accomplishments in itself. It just feels like I’m giving up and taking the easy route or the safest one…. But I want a house with a backyard and I want to travel with my family and experience all the wonders of the world… AND… have the means to do it without having to choose or scrounge…. ALL while doing what you love!  Continue reading “Making Sense of it All”

Messages from the Heart

Just a moment to myself

Since Summer had started it’s been pretty difficult to get any work done. My secret so far to keeping my self sane is waking up earlier than the kids. Them sleeping I’m has been a lifesaver. Now mind you, sleeping in for them is 9 in the morning. Yes I’m up at 7am but I get a lot of stuff done. Like… Meditation for about 15 to 20 minutes and I checked my email and then I get any work done that needs to get done that can’t get done when children are up…lol!

I can’t lie it’s been really difficult not having down time for a longer than an hour and a half. I as well as many parents are clearly spoiled for most of the year when the kids are in school. So it is a big adjustment to keep them entertained for two months straight day in and day out. Even tougher when there’s not enough family to help look after three kids when you want to break. Since we know families can get into their own little bubble when it comes to life, it is totally up to me to keep my family moving and me with a calm interior. Not sure how long I will last, it really has only been a week….lol! But so far so good.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but what I do know is that since officially starting my wellness business…I have been non stop and the momentum is on the rise.

Check out righteoussun.co to take a look around.

Rather than going against the flow of kids and summer vacation, I’ve chosen to work the Universe to accommodate my new lifestyle. It’s like my spiritual posse is asking me how bad do you want this… my answer is…. no summer vacay is going to slow me down. I’m currently writing this piece in the bathroom where the kids now understand after many years that I as well as all Moms require privacy while in the bathroom… AGREE!

I guess making time is what you make of it…. I’m finding my flow… it’s the same flow I had when my first born was a toddler…. only this time he’s 11yrs old… I added two more to the mix and I am all the wiser as Mom of three.

Affirmation: I flow easily and swiftly through the Universe.

Messages from the Heart

It was just yesterday that I was moving into my neighborhood and scrambling to find a school for My son to go to. He’s now 11 years old. I remember walking into the doors with all the forms, I went straight to the office and handed them in. When it was all said and done, they had told me the room number where my son would be learning. I went straight to Room 109 and glared at the picture that was stuck to the door. It was of a blond woman with a grin from ear to ear…. I had my suspicions of course… I’m a Mom! When the day finally came for me to drop him off to the care of another person… A complete stranger. It was one of the hardest things I could have ever done. Little did I know that I would spend the next 9 years with this particular class. Room 109. I have three kids in total and each one from my oldest son to my youngest daughter have all passed through this class room…. And yesterday was the last day I would be dropping off one of my kids for the first day of kindergarten and chatting with that same teacher in the picture. Oh! BTW, The teacher and I have built a great friendship in and out of the school, that will last a lifetime.

My not so little girl and last child graduated from Senior kindergarten.

I tried to hold it together at the graduation. Seeing the last of my kids all grown up and knowing that there won’t be one to follow. Factory is shut down for maintenance…. Self -maintenance. They’re getting older now and even though my womb will call out every so often for a child to bare. I feel deep down that Its time for to graduate as well. Graduate to ‘Parents of big kids. My oldest is about to go into grade seven. I stayed home and devoted myself to them to make sure that those first few years were the best….and I have to admit that every time one got to a certain age where they don’t need mommy anymore, I would get the baby feeling and out would pop another one. On third one, I said enough is enough. I knew deep down that she was my last. I knew deep down that feeling of changing diapers and breastfeeding was long gone for me. So today was bitter sweet…. As all three of my kids move on to the next milestone in their lives. So will I.