life lessons, Uncategorized

Getting rid of the leftovers

So we’re almost at that midway point Of the year and it’s a full moon today. Called the Flower moon…. A time to assess the last few years of your progress… great job everyone! As well as a time to rid yourself of the last bit of leftovers that have kept you back from being your true self. That means getting rid of the emotional baggage such as the guilt, the resentment, the hurt and the false belief that you’re not good enough. It’s the crap that still wants to hold on tight to our aura because it has nowhere else to go and it’s ver comfortable in the parts of your being where it’s of course making your life miserable.

The Flower moon is all about fertility. That means new beginnings… the blossoming of the new you…. new experiences. No more leftover feelings that no longer serves your purpose.

We all have a tendency to continue go down the same path that always leads to a dead end which means you just have to repeat the same path or situation until you can get pass that particular obstacle or obstacles.

So how can you get rid of the last bit of leftovers?…..

  • Really get down to your feelings and figure out what’s weighing you down. Once you get real with yourself, take the time to write yourself a goodbye letter to the old you. You can take it one step further and burn it (please remember to be safe)
  • Make a list of all the things you’ve ever wanted to do… and get ready to step out of your comfort zone. Coming out of comfort zone allows you to get to know yourself a bit better and how far you can reach in this vast Universe of possibilities.
  • Make sure you’re staying true to who you are… and the only way to do that is to surround yourself with positive vibes. Keep yourself afloat with the feel good flow, you know the things that keep you motivated.

Remember the only way to release is to realize.

Realize your ability for growth and change.

Realize all the work you’ve done to get to this point.

And most importantly… Realize your worth.

You’re definitely worth more than you realize.

Happy Full moon.

Messages from the Heart

It was just yesterday that I was moving into my neighborhood and scrambling to find a school for My son to go to. He’s now 11 years old. I remember walking into the doors with all the forms, I went straight to the office and handed them in. When it was all said and done, they had told me the room number where my son would be learning. I went straight to Room 109 and glared at the picture that was stuck to the door. It was of a blond woman with a grin from ear to ear…. I had my suspicions of course… I’m a Mom! When the day finally came for me to drop him off to the care of another person… A complete stranger. It was one of the hardest things I could have ever done. Little did I know that I would spend the next 9 years with this particular class. Room 109. I have three kids in total and each one from my oldest son to my youngest daughter have all passed through this class room…. And yesterday was the last day I would be dropping off one of my kids for the first day of kindergarten and chatting with that same teacher in the picture. Oh! BTW, The teacher and I have built a great friendship in and out of the school, that will last a lifetime.

My not so little girl and last child graduated from Senior kindergarten.

I tried to hold it together at the graduation. Seeing the last of my kids all grown up and knowing that there won’t be one to follow. Factory is shut down for maintenance…. Self -maintenance. They’re getting older now and even though my womb will call out every so often for a child to bare. I feel deep down that Its time for to graduate as well. Graduate to ‘Parents of big kids. My oldest is about to go into grade seven. I stayed home and devoted myself to them to make sure that those first few years were the best….and I have to admit that every time one got to a certain age where they don’t need mommy anymore, I would get the baby feeling and out would pop another one. On third one, I said enough is enough. I knew deep down that she was my last. I knew deep down that feeling of changing diapers and breastfeeding was long gone for me. So today was bitter sweet…. As all three of my kids move on to the next milestone in their lives. So will I.

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, Uncategorized

Comfort Zone

My Comfort zone was shook over the weekend. This Retrograde had me a little messed up…. Ok, a lot messed up. I have been irritated with almost everything and everyone and I’m  pretty sure I’m included in that. It’s been a rough couple of weeks emotionally. It felt as if I was doing some major emotional overhauling. I’m getting a little choked up as we speak. You know there is reason why they call it our comfort. Cause Bitch!, its comfortable! it’s nice and cozy in that spot. The only thing, is that once you’re in that spot, you actually forget that you’re even there. Making you get complacent with life. You begin to think,  if that’s working for you, why mess up a good thing. The question is…. Is it really a good thing?

So how do you know if you’re in a comfort zone?

Three ways to help you know if you’re a little too comfortable with life….

  1. You’re routine is the same 365 days out of the year. Now I might be over exaggerating, but a lot of us out there stick to routine because it feels safe to us. With a routine, there is little room for mistakes. As new parents, we really begin to set schedules for our kids and ourselves, just so that we can get the most bang for our buck when it comes to time. It begins to matter less as they get older… and we get more tired. lol!
  2. You come up with excuses for not trying something new. eg. When your friends call you to come out because they found this new salsa dance spot, and you give an excuse because you’ve never danced salsa before and are to shy to try it. ” Sorry, I have to….. wash my carpet tonight.”
  3. You’re wearing the same clothes you’ve been wearing since before giving birth to your babies, who are no longer babies. We get uncomfortable with our bodies and think in order to be comfortable we must dress comfortable. Now that doesn’t mean track pants and t-shirts and oversized sweaters everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some oversized sweaters, but there is a time and place to look fabulous, and that should be everyday!…. That should be putting on a five minute face in the morning because you deserve it. That should be putting on that cute outfit to go and run errands. (I live in Canada, so we’re still waiting for the nice warmer weather to bless us.) But that doesn’t mean you can’t put on a pop of colour, if on an everyday basis you’re rocking the basic shades.

So how do we begin to get out of that comfort zone. Sometimes we have to branch out of the norm. I realized that in order to grow, you must get uncomfortable. I love to meet new people. If you feel that people you currently hang out with don’t fuel something new and adventurous, and they constantly complain and talk about the same things with little change, them perhaps it’s time to meet other people. I am in the beginning stages of entrepreneurship. I recently went to an event where I got to meet and collaborate and learn from new entrepreneurs as well as the veterans in the business. What I found is that it gave me a lot more motivation and I met a lot of new people who are on a similar journey.

Another way to get out of your comfort zone is to try something new. Now whether that means venturing out of you neighbourhood just to start, and then working yourself out of your city. Just trust that you will be safe in navigating yourself around as well as be honest with yourself and ask for help if you get lost. I can’t stand going downtown by myself, my nerves do get the best of me at times… but in the end, I muster up the courage and just go for it. Never miss out on an opportunity if it presents itself. There is a reason why it was presented to you. So act on it! I’m sure it will be worth your while. I mean, so far so good for me.

Last but not least. Switch it up! We can go our whole lives, looking in the mirror and seeing the same person with the same look. For some us, we could love that and for others, we might not like what we see at all times. It’s really not about our outward appearance but how we feel on the inside when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Are we happy with ourselves? or are their things we would like to change? Getting your hair done should be a guilty pleasure, (I’m talking to you MOM’s our there) it should just be a pleasure. Take the opportunity to slowly revamp your wardrobe. You’re growing to a grown ass woman and you must reflect that. FYI it can be done on a budget for you thrift savvy Moms out there. I love going on Pinterest and recreating outfits at a more affordable cost. Thrift stores have everything and you never break the bank.

To get fully comfortable with the new you, because everyday is a new you, you must finally get to know yourself. That in itself can be VERY uncomfortable. Track your journey by writing in a journal. A journal is great because you can always look back to reference how far you’ve come and if you’ve let go of old habits to make room for healthier more beneficial ones. It’s like a spiritual growth tracking journal. Trust me, you’ll be amazed at results. I also love to write my dreams and goals in my journal and then look back to see how many of them I accomplished.

Feel free to follow me on Instagram @righteoussoleil to follow my growth and journey.

Uncategorized

Healing Takes Time

My Father past away earlier this month. I’ve never lost anyone in my life. Not one person. I have always been the one to console others in those moments of loss. As years went on I had always thought to myself, what would that day feel like. What kind of emotions would surface.

You know that feeling when someone just pops into your head for know reason? They say that’s spirit trying to tell you something important about that person. Fast forward six months later is when I found out that he was still alive. A relative from Guyana who connected with me through Facebook sends me a message asking me if I an Robert Wall’s Daughter. ‘Yes, and who is this I send back. ‘I am your sister’. “WTF!!!” and it didn’t stop there. He had fathered up to 17 kids from what we know. Skipping out on every one except for us. He stayed for 21 years. I was 15 at the time, and I started to think that if something didn’t happen soon, we would all live a miserable life. We were to afraid to get rid of him. How were you going to get this giant out of this house. It was an unspoken bond that we as siblings would never move out of the house while our Mother was still with him. We would not have been able to protect, even though deep down we all knew that once we reached of age, we would no longer had to live under their roof, We couldn’t just leave her there. I was at a women’s retreat in the city and one of the questions that we had to answer was, ‘ what was the most memorable in your childhood?… My answer was,…’ It was when I call the police on my father. I am not proud of that, That’s not a memory that you want sticking out in your mind. but it was the day that the shackles came off! No more sneaking around behind his back, no more feeling scared and anxious every time we’d walked into the house or when he walked in for that matter. I had prayed and wished for a reason to get rid of him, long before that. I believed he had the potential to kill my Mother. When you see family members, supposed loved ones hurting another human being… You’re own flesh and blood, the woman you said I do too. If you’re capable of doing such mean acts , then whose to say you wont take it to the next level. I prayed with conviction, please God, give me one reason…
Please, I can no longer live like this… they got into an argument that night, it was normal in our house , but it had been a while. it began to escalate, but this time we siblings were a lot older now… The opportunity came, and I didn’t think twice… it had to happen.

He was escorted out of the house in Markham in handcuffs that night. God had answered my prayers. The nightmare was over. We could all finally breathe a sigh of relief. I can only speak for myself when I say he was mean, mean man. He was possessive and violent. he was never faithful or truthful. I really knew nothing about him on a personal family level, because he never talked about them, or maybe I was just to scared to ask.

Nonetheless, He’s gone now. I still have yet to process this. I’m not sure what I’m mourning, his passing or all the grief he caused… I’m not sure. But a friend told me that it’s ok if you don’t feel the way others do about his passing. Your experience with him was different, and if you feel guilty that you’re not mourning in the ways that are expected when someone passes…DON’T!!!! You have a right to your feelings.. PERIOD! And if it takes a while for me to release those feeling of anger and hurt, then that’s ok too. There’s no timeline for forgiveness. I really felt like if I forgave him for everything, right ASAP that I could move on. But the reality is, forgiveness takes time.
It’s going to take some time… BUT!… Who FUCKING CARES!… who cares how long it takes…It’s you’re life and you’re living it. Take all the time you need, that the only way the process can take place smoothly. there will be tears (There already has been)… there will be hurt and anger, but the reality is…Its all ok….

AFFIRMATION: I AM SAFE TO SPEAK THE TRUTH