Body, Mind & Spirit, life lessons, Uncategorized

In Her Dreams Part 2

I went to bed in hopes that I would get a good night’s sleep which was highly unlikely but a girl can dream. Which is exactly what I did. This time my dream brought back a loved one that I think about almost every day. Our family dog Cacao. I have lost people in my family in the past but it never affected me the way Cacao did. I think it’s because of those who I have lost within my family I either never knew or I was never very close with. My Grandparents died before I was born and My Father left us when I was 16 years old. I only saw one picture of my Dad through a Facebook post right before he died and I couldn’t go to the funeral because it was in England and I couldn’t afford to travel at the time. I also think I wasn’t ready to face all those memories of the way he treated us which was very unkind.
So, when I lost Cacao, it was definitely like losing a family member. Actually, scratch that… when we lost cacao, we lost a family member. It was the hardest thing to deal with. I never knew I could love someone that much until I lost him. I am a very spiritual woman who understands that when a physical person dies, it’s just their physical body who leaves this earth. Their spirit always lives on throughout the Universe and through our hearts. So, they are never truly gone. I would explain this to my kids almost every day when he passed. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss every second of him being gone physically from our lives.
He was this male Father figure in my life if that makes any sense. He was 15 when he passed which is like 120 years old in dog years. It was like we lost an elder, our protector and the one that allowed us even just for a second to just live in the moment. Animals have a way of that to you. They are healers from the other side, spirit animals who come to teach us more about ourselves and to show us how much love is truly in this world. Cacao was the epitome of all those things plus more. When he passed, I remember letting the kids take a few days off of school so we could spend time as a family. I had to go to my son’s school to sign some papers and had to tell the secretary. She was very sympathetic as she had also lost her dog in the past as well. She had told me that losing a dog is one of the hardest things and before I left, she told me you know what Dog spelled backward is?… GOD!
I wasn’t thinking that at all at the time but it melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. God is this vision of beauty and love that lives within all of us. A love that is full and unconditional. A love that is unmistakably true and divine.
As I dreamed that night, I woke up in my childhood home. I was asleep in my old room and woke up to heavy panting in my ear. As I turned around, I could smell the muskiness of a wet dog. It was Cacao and I could see him as clear as day. He came right up to me and jumped on the bed. He looked right at me and gave me kisses with his wet nose. I was hugging him so tight and petting him until I felt like my hand would fall off. He was fit and healthy like a young dog in his prime I told him how we missed him so much and that we think about him every day.
What felt like forever with him began to fade. It was time for him to go. I didn’t want him to leave and begged for just a bit more time with him. As he began to fade away, the strangest thing began to happen. I sat up on the bed and looked at him, he began to morph into me and mirroring my actions. It was like I was having an out of body experience. Tears began to fall from my face and as I looked at what became me, I smiled back at myself. I got spooked and as I stood up from the bed and began to back up to leave the room, the other half of me ran towards me and jumped back into my body. Cacao was gone. As I walked down the hallway, I took a breath and a song was playing faintly in the background. I knew the song but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I remembered the voice of the artist. It was from Joe.
When I woke up from the dream, I went to take a shower and decided to search on Itunes for the song by the artist but I couldn’t find it. I truly believe that things flow into our lives when it’s supposed to and we should never force it. So, I didn’t get frustrated, I just went about the rest of my morning. I asked my husband to shave the back of my head, you know just clean up the hair because we were going out for the day with the kids and she said ok. We went into the washroom and he turned on his phone to put some music on and of course, the first song that came on was the song that was playing in my dreams. I told him that was the song that was in my dreams. I grabbed his phone to take a look at what it was called… “Faded Pictures” by Case and Joe.
The lyrics go like this…
She was more than woman, a goddess for all it seems
All I ever needed was her right here loving me
For a while, we were cool and the groovin’ love was on
But I still remember how it felt when our love was gone
In a tattered picture book
Was a photograph she took years ago
Secret memories in her mind
How could love be so unkind?
Heartbreak time, my heart is breaking
Faded Picture in a broken glass
Broken Glass
Like a mirror revealing
(I see, I see)
What the woman is feeling
Was it someone from a distant past?
(Way back long ago)
‘Cause it’s breaking my heart
(My heart)
To watch her stare into the glass
As she turned through the pages
The tears rolled down her face
I could see her reminiscing
Why her life had to be this way
Then she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends
To smell the scent of an old rose
From her lover I suppose
In a tattered picture book
Was a photograph she took years ago
Secret memories in her mind
How could love be so unkind?
Heartbreak time, my heart is breaking
Faded Picture in a broken glass
Broken Glass
Like a mirror revealing
(I see, I see)
What the woman is feeling
Was it someone from a distant past?
(Way back long ago)
‘Cause it’s breaking my heart
(My heart)
To watch her stare into the glass
Just keeps spinning
As she stares into the glass, I’ll be waiting
“Cause she’s lost inside the past.

The hardest thing was that I never got to say goodbye to Cacao when he died. It happened so quickly. I was at the doctor’s with my son and got a phone call from my husband that Cacao was coughing up blood and he had to rush him to the Vet. He told the neighbors to watch the girls and that he would be right back because Cacao wasn’t feeling well. We thought he was going to come back with him but he didn’t. He was gone. All I wanted was to give him one last hug, to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be ok on the other side. To tell him that we loved him one last time. I finally got to do that last night in my dream.
I came away with an understanding that even though someone leaves this life on earth, there will always be a piece of them that will forever remain a part of you.

life lessons, Uncategorized

The Not So Summer Blues

I came home this morning from the cleaning the gym. What a mess it was. You wonder how one place can get so dirty…But then you realize it’s a bunch of girls in that gym… Nuff said. Anyways, To my surprise when I got home, my partner hadn’t left yet for work. That was a nice feeling. We’ve been a lot busier lately which means less time together and the time we do spend together is on the couch past out. Parents, I know you feel me.

The kids were still asleep, so I went out on the balcony to catch up on some silence. It’s always nice to catch the silence before all the hustle and bustle begins. So of course as I’m taking in the summer morning, it got me thinking…. Wow, this summer feels like a good summer. Now I’m not really sure what I meant by that at the time but I think I’m getting a handle on it.

Earlier in the month, I was feeling a bit guilty that I wasn’t really doing much with the kids. From our middle one in gymnastics 4 days a week for the whole summer and everyone working, non stop with no days off, it’s been interesting trying to navigate fun into the equation. So far the kids haven’t complained…. So far. Something about this morning made me feel like even though, I’m not taking the kids here and there, we’re still enjoying summer. It was like a sense of ease, which got me thinking even more. Since it was the eclipse and it’s all about letting go.

When I was a kids, all my friends would go on vacation during the summer. So while they were on summer vacation, they were on vacation. I, on the other hand was at home for most of the time being watched my sister or in day camp which I wasn’t very fond of. I also wasn’t fond of staying home for the entire summer. When it was the first day of school and the teacher asks the class to write about what they did for the summer, my paragraph didn’t have much details. I had to look at the difference from then and now… My summers were good but there was always this lingering feeling of worry and fear because you knew that your Dad would come home and perhaps get mad about something or perhaps your parents would start arguing which they often did. So deep down you could never really enjoy summer and let your hair down.

Fast forward to now. That feeling isn’t there. I think it was lingering around, and I never took the time to acknowledge it and release it. So I did that today. I released that feeling of tension and sadness that went along with that feeling of summers past. I sat on that balcony with a feeling of gratitude. I’m  spending my summer in a loving home that I helped create. The days are filled with summer activities and BBQ’s, Morning are filled with birds chirping and the sun rising and I get to enjoy every bit of it with no worry or fear. Deep down that’s the type of summer I always wanted. Maybe it was never really about the vacations, although I still want to do plenty of travelling with the family. It was more about experiencing the peace and leisure of summer in a safe space which makes summer of course more enjoyable as a kid. I’m definitely grateful that my partner and I can provide that for our kids. Releasing what no longer serves me and filling it with my truth and my new reality.

Reminder: Even when you feel like the world is against you, just know that the Universe is for you.

 

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Adulting

I’m on the phone with my coach. It was fate, because earlier in the morning I had a vision that we were having a conversation about my life and what was next for me when it came to my business. I have changed my mind so many times when it comes to starting a business. I have started a clothing business, I became a motivational speaker and a yoga teacher. At one point I started carrying a vegan friendly makeup line…. I’ve done it all.

What I haven’t done is commit to either of them. I have always said to myself that I have nothing of material wealth to give but myself. The question was, “What do you have to offer?”. What a question…Right1… She always gets me to go deeper in my thoughts. Almost gets me choked up like she was sent from another planet to watch over me.

This full moon eclipse that was yesterday is obviously playing a huge role in my life. bringing up all the things that we really don’t want to acknowledge about ourselves. The truth that sometimes can hold us back from our destiny. So, I’ve decided to take a good look in the mirror…

I going to admit that I am definitely a bit of a turtle. Slow at times… Perhaps, I’m being modest. I fluctuate from task to task seeing how much I can fit into my schedule. All feeling like I never get much done.

A successful business depends on your love and passion for it.

And perhaps that successful business depends on the love and passion that I give to myself internally, rather then externally. She said it seems like I depend on external validation more that anything. Which was a hard pill to swallow.

I also think that sometimes we move slow in silence or never commit to the things we care about out of fear. Yup!, I said it! Fear! I have this fear of failure but now that I think about it I’m only failing myself. When fear gets in the way it paralyzes you from doing what your meant to do in life or in that particular situation, no matter what it happens to be.

In my mind, I have always in the background, just waiting to break free, but have been to shy to some out of my shell. However, I’m older now and its true what they say, there’s no time like the present.

To be self employed means that you treat your life like a business. You are the boss and the employee. So it’s all or nothing. it’s time to commit to this relationship whole heartedly . No more excuses for this adult. Just a disclaimer, I have only really felt like an adult about year and half ago. I wanted to say two years but even then I can honestly say that was just the beginning.

I’m 37 but look like I’m 16. I’m 5’1 but that has never stopped anyone my height from becoming successful. Mariah Carey for instance…. Need I say more.

I think figuring out my life has been a hobby until now. I have explored many things that has allowed me to grow into the person I am today. YOLO! should me the key to everyone’s life.

so to catch you up on my adulting experience, I had a one on one coaching session with a very successful entrepreneur. She gave me some amazing tips on making my business visual and viable. I invested in myself in ways that will help not only my business grow but myself as well.

Once I took me seriously, I received an opportunity to sell my merchandise in a mall as a pop up. I created Aries Collection! a baby and toddler clothing store. I create baby and kids accessories and clothes.  Now, I’m not sure how this mall found me but the Universe will always bless you with what is meant for you.

My life isn’t a hobby but a 24/7 career. I have to learn how to navigate being a Mom to three kids, being a partner to the love of my life and being a boss to my business. Adulting at its finest.

I know I’m not the only one who still wants wake up late, hit patios all summer and eat all day and stay up until the wee hours drinking with their friends.

 

Body, Mind & Spirit, Uncategorized

Finding the Rhythm

It’s Only been a week, yes since I’ve begun to find a rhythm. It has been a Mercury  Retrograde and it finally ended today. Now It’s time for reflection. It’s been really nice to finally get into the swing of things. So many of us are stuck in those habits that make us feel comfortable, but this Mercury retrograde is almost forcing us to break bad habits. To finally recognize those things that were holding us back and do what is right for our spirit. It’s about finding the rhythm and the balance.

As a parent with three kids. All who have different activities and lets not forget different personalities, I have to maintain a balance that allows me to stay unbothered as much as possible. I mean really, being a Mom is full of schedules and activities and it’s never ending, but the old me was to concerned with the overwhelming feeling of being able to take on all those tasks without burning myself out. Now I’ve to see that it’s the little self care moments that if you take it on at your own pace, you’ll find it will begin to help you in other areas of your life.

There’s a lo of us out there that believe that if we are constant grind  will get us to all our final destination or wish. The truth is… It’s about constantly feeding ourselves with the feel goods. From drinking water everyday as well as getting the proper amount of rest. However we also tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves by setting these outlandish goals  and when we don’t complete our desired goal that we set for ourselves, we immediately put ourselves down, give up and repeat the steps on a later date. You have to believe in your truth at that moment. Believe that you have the capabilities to reach that desired goal but at your own pace. Everyday will be different, which in my opinion is a good thing. Your body will tell you what it needs, just as long as you’re listening to your higher self to find out what feels good to your spirit.

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Nurturing the success of your children as well as yourself

Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

Chapter One pg.3

Well this morning went off as good as it possibly could. I mean I could have stayed in bed all day but morning called. Bonus was I was up before the children after the sleep over. The girls didn’t go to bed until 12:30am which means I didn’t actually go to bed until 1 in the morning. Anyways, My spiritual posse has been calling on me to pay attention, probably because I’ve had a lot on my mind. I pulled an amazing spread that spoke to me on so many levels.

As much about I’m always writing about how to navigate through the treacherous waters of life with love on your side, I’m still this littler girl with Big Dreams. I’ve always dreamt of owning my own business for as long as I could remember, I would play in my room as if it was my office, processing paperwork, all while looking after my baby doll. It was a cabbage patch kid. I’ve never thought I would do anything else. I could never quite put my finger on what the business would be but it was all mine. After having my son I couldn’t quite see myself not staying home to raise him. I also thought it was a good opportunity for me to start my dream business… Whatever that was. Now I’m very creative and am always wanting to invent and reinventing. I also never give up. I have had a lot of different people not believe in me, and honestly though I would make it. It just gave me more of a reason to work harder to prove to myself and to everyone else that dreams do come true.

So to be honest, I’ve been through many start ups and only just getting it off the shelf, only to put the dream back on the shelf. Frustrating of course. I’ve always let fear get to me. Fear of failing and having people tell me I told you so or this fear that I end up working this horrible desk job that pays a lot of money but makes me super miserable. All the woman in my life have worked great jobs but were never happy. So I thought if  did what they did, I would never have the opportunity to find out what makes me happy.  I think I finally figured it out. What makes me happy is ME!. Working on the unknown does for sure stress me out. I mean I do have to navigate between being a mom and being a business owner. Your time is always split, and both jobs are 24/7. But working on the unknown excites me. It makes me realize that I have a lot faith in myself or I wouldn’t keep getting back up again.

The tarot cards that I pulled were so accurate. Projects are fruitful, Faith and Confidence are high and will continue to rise. I need to stay focused AF and all will be well. I have to say, although my computer was giving me a mild heart attack earlier during the day due to all these software updates for 2019. Ugh!. Just when I’m trying to set 2019 off right. I guess it’s just a reminder that anything can happen during this process. I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to share.

Well before I head off to bed…. Yesterday was the first launch of Righteous Sun website out to the social media crowd. I kept it quiet to my Fam. I actually kept it quiet with almost everyone. I didn’t want the distractions, and I also second guess myself. This project feels different then the others. Maybe because for the first time it’s for me. Most of the other projects were for other people. Whether it was for my kids creating kids accessories for them or me giving a healing to others who were in need. This one just feels different. It makes me nervous as hell but I’m taking it all in stride. BTW… The launch is my online cosmetic and skin care Boutique. My goal is to provide people with all natural vegan friendly cruelty free cosmetics and skin care for the everyday and play!… You like those play on words?… Lol!

Ok Its getting late. I’m putting out there that I will be making $60,000 plus by the end of 2019. Big Dreams I guess… But Why Not?