Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

Ohhhhhh RESPECT! Now…. That is something we all want and are in constant search of… Not sure why we are in search of it when it literally lays inside our entire body. I guess we have to learn how to make it part of our entire self as a whole.

How do we do that? Well I have to start off by saying that I’m writing this blog on behalf of all people out their that are currently being taken advantage of, used and mishandled. That’s right, I said it. All three words are different and yet the same. I am speaking for the ones who are too shy or too broken to speak up.

What does RESPECT really mean?…. Let’s break it down….

R- Responsibility is a major one when it to respect. We have a responsibility to ourselves to set the tone on how we are treated. To set the tone on how we are respected.  When we undervalue ourselves, we are really saying that you can treat me any which way you want. I am you puppet. Now I know that sometimes we don’t want to rock the boat because we just don’t like confrontation but that just gives out an itinerary of how others will treat you for the rest of your life. I sure as heck do not want to see an itinerary of pure disrespect, especially towards myself. Take ownership of who and what feels good in your life…. And if they don’t like it…. Well…. they know where they can go in my book. (off the pages of my best selling novel).

E- Expectations is like setting boundaries. Have expectations on what you allow in your circle. Have expectations on what is acceptable and what’s not. Now, if we have expectations on our partner or love interest that is clearly unattainable and we’re not willing to budge or compromise, well then….. we might always be single…. let’s be honest… no one is perfect and we will always have things that we can’t stand about that love but fully well know that we also can’t live without their ass. So place realistic expectations on yourself and others, cause you have to remember that everyone has a journey and it takes time to discover it or rediscover in some cases.

S- Safe. I know what you’re thinking. How does being or feeling safe have to do respect. To feel comfortable in the choices that you make is to feel safe. Not everyone is going to agree with you but as long as they can respect that you have your own opinion is something in itself. We will purposely stay silent not to rock the boat in conversations because we are afraid of what people might think of us. I was once there and I still have my moments. We have to STOP!!!… We need to begin by creating a safe space within ourselves that is ever changing but that withstands the test of time. To feel safe is to have confidence over ones self and to when you have confidence you set the tone of how people will treat you.

P- Peace upon ourselves and our circle. That just means that I have enough peace within me to know that when someone tries to enter into my circle with their negativity, that I have enough peace within me not to FUCK THEM UP!. Sometimes we have to let go of the mindless people and their bullshit. There will be countless times when negativity will try and step in your way. You have to have enough peace of mind to know that you should always carry yourself with class and grace…. They just luck that they got GOD BLOCKED. Now take your Peace and SLAY!

E- Equality Bitch!… To feel equal with one another. We might look different or classify ourselves into different categories but the truth of the matter is we are all the same. We are Human Beings…. And as beings we are so similar, that if we all realized that, this world would be a lot different. There are people out there that might never see you as equal, but that should never stop you from commanding it. If they still can’t see it… well my motto is “You’re cut!” You are officially of the positivity train. If someone can’t see you as an equal then they are definitely not worth your time.

C- Communication is a great way to learn how to give and receive respect. For they shy person that I was, I realized that I had to communicate my feelings even if I knew it was going to shake things up for a minute. I had to muster up the courage to express myself in order for them to show me respect in the way that I saw fit. When I spoke up, it totally changed the way people began to look at me and approached me. (I’m only 5’1) How can another person change the way  they treat you if you don’t tell them? what if  you actually get positive feedback when you communicate your feelings. Anything is possible, but you have to communicate to find out.

T- Trust is the last one on the list. And probably the most important one. To trust yourself  and stand firm in your beliefs. Now your beliefs will always change as will you, but your authenticity to yourself will remain the same. The loyalty that your spirit has for you is by far the most pure and loving love to ever grace this Universe and we should have faith and trust that Spirit has your back. When you begin to trust that your authenticity really matters in this world and to your existence, a feeling of self respect will wash over you…. and when you have self respect you have self love.

Well I hope that sums it up for you. Like Aretha Franklin said, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” That’s is exactly right, find out what respect means to you…. oh yea!…. and  OWN IT!

This was our first time being apart for that long, we talked on the phone, but I believe the feeling was mutual…we missed each other. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I never knew until I got home, that this saying rang true. It was an early night for the kids coming back from having late nights up at the cottage. We settled them in their beds and snuck outside on the balcony…… we were intertwined.

“At the two points where the front and rear centres come together, in the heart of the chakra, in the spine, the life force exhibits its second most powerful urge and purpose- that of the desire for the sexual union. This powerful force breaks through the self-imposed barriers between two people and draws them close to each other.

So that means that each person is sexually is connected to its life force. For the great majority of people, the sexual energy moves through, charges and discharges in  orgasm through these two sexual chakras. This movement revitalizes and cleanses the body with an energy bath. It rids the body system of clogged energy,  waste products in deep tension. Sexual orgasm is important that the physical well-being of the person.”

Well I’ve been saing  that for forever.

“The mutual letting go into deep communion through giving and receiving in sexual intercourse is one of the main ways humanity has of  deeply letting go of the ego “separateness” and experiencing unity.  When done with love and respect for the uniqueness of your mate, it is a holy experience culmunatng from the deep primordial evolutionary urges of mating  on the physical level and the deep spiritual yearnings of uniting with divinity. It is a wedding of both the spiritual and physical aspects of the two human beings.”(Hands of Light by Barbara Ann Brennan)

I couldn’t  have said it better myself!. I’m always saying how sex needs to be an intricate part of my relationship and my life. Being a part for that long and reconnecting made the experience exactly  how the author describes it. We were becoming one with each other. We were always becoming one with each other, whether we were making love or just having sex. It is and will always be a sacred act. I just wonder about those who who’ve never felt that connection…. how are they getting along?

 

system pic

 

System is described as a set of connected things or parts forming a complex whole. We believe that we are part of a system. A system that is run by Governments, institutions, corporations and private sectors. We believe that the system has us under its control.

The truth however, is that the only system that anyone one person can be a part of is the system of the Universe. The Universe is the system. Since the Universe and human beings are one in the same, then technically we are the system. How do you figure? Well we project our own images out into the world with our own thoughts and beliefs. However, when we are so bogged down by the media and what society tells us and by all the fast food we eat. All of which interferes with our system. Once that happens, our individual system will begin to shut down and not work as well. A major Glitch in your system can cause you to not function properly. An imbalance let’s say.

Just like a brand new Mac needs to keep its system up to date and running smoothly, so do we, and if you ask me, we are way more expensive then a Mac. Priceless!!! If we work on connecting and healing all the parts of our system then we can never really be a part of ‘The System’ or any system for that matter.