Uncategorized

Pregnant over 35

I came home early from our trip because I wasn’t feeling well. I can’t lie, I didn’t want to go anyway. For a woman who loves the summer weather, today was not the day. It might actually never be the day until I give birth. Did I forget to tell you that I’m pregnant? That’s right Pregnant! It’s not the first but it will for sure be the last. The Final Arcana in my mind. Have I told everyone yet….NO!… It is baby number 4… I feel like by the time a woman gets to baby number 3 it’s not as exciting anymore when you tell people. it’s kinda like they’re like…”well you’ve been there done that” So you’re not as special as the women who are having their first. Especially if you’re over the age of 35. I fell like people are like, “We know you can have a baby, you don’t have to prove it to us… Or, “we get it, you have lots of sex. Anyway by the time you get to baby number 4, people start to feel sorry for you like it was an accident or like you’re dying or something. It’s almost as if they feel sorry for you. There’s no congratulations, its more of , “you poor dear. Can you afford this baby. Can anyone afford babies. If I was Halle Barry or Jlo, It wouldn’t be such a big deal , but because I’m living in a 3 bedroom apt. it’s a travesty. It’s like society wants to make you feel bad about your decision, not like it was a choice to have another baby, none of them were. We intentionally tried once, my husband and I and it never worked, it’s when we weren’t trying that It came naturally, all of our children, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So for right now, I keep it a secret for just myself and a select few who I trust. Which is not many. To be honest , I haven’t received any positive reactions. only my neighbor and the kids and my husband.. but most guys are excited like they scored in the end zone. You know back in the day, I would have been the one to say oh no!…but a life coming into this world is a true blessing no matter what the circumstances are. It  means that God chose for that spirit to enter into your life… and this time it chose me once again to be the vessel. Am I sick as a dog right now?…YES!!! do I want to blink and suddenly be at the end, getting ready to give birth?… YES!!!! but I was chosen so I must grit my teeth and bare down to get through each month.

I don’t share my thoughts  very often because I’m good at reading people’s thoughts.. its a gift I have. What I’ve come to realize is that people are very judgmental, and feel like they have their own opinion on how many  kids a woman should have, so of course it’s no different with me. but they don’t understand the back story to my life and how this pregnancy means something more than just baby number 4.

After having Nyla, who is child number three, I had encountered many people…people meaning Psychics, who told me I would have another baby and it would be a boy. Now right after having Nyla, I was definitely not thinking about having another baby, and I didn’t think about it for over 6 years, until, this year of 2019 when I lost my dog. I was already pregnant at the time but would have had an abortion because of how sick… it was bad… I was losing weight rapidly and was throwing up like my life depended it on it.  Our Cacao, that’s our Chocolate Lab who passed away in March of this year. He was getting old and I was getting very sick from the pregnancy. I couldn’t take care of him and myself. It was clearly evident that I had to make a decision to either keep the baby or let it go. when I made the decision to for through with the abortion and the next day we lost our beloved dog. I don’t think I could have held down the family and myself during such a tragic loss. I had never lost someone so dear to my heart before. It was  a double loss. having to make  a choice  to say goodbye to a spirit in my belly and having to say goodbye to my dog. I almost never forgave myself for that decision. My husband had said to me, “Who would have taken Cacao to heaven”. So there’s a reason for everything. Just like there’s a reason for me having this baby. There’s no such thing as a coincidence in my mind. This baby will be born the same week that our dog passed away. Crazy right?…

I’ll never forget meeting that man in the parking lot after me specifically stopping and asking God to send me an answer. and so he did, in the form of this man who had told me that I would have a son and through this pregnancy, success would come, I would travel and have my own business. something I’ve always dreamed of. I’ve been incredibly emotional with this pregnancy, and feel like I have no control, hence why I’m writing my thoughts out. I asked God what should I do now that I’m on this new journey…. And God said,  “write!!!” So here I am documenting my experience being pregnant with baby number 4 at the age of… 37… soon to be 38 in October.

I had a vivid dream 2 years ago that we had bought our dream house and we were standing in front of it . Marcus, Kaori and Nyla were standing  in the photo… Mike and I was holding a baby.. we had a new dog, a golden Retriever and it was fall. That dream has stuck with me until this day, and now I believe it’s time to fulfill that dream. No matter what age or how many children I have.

Uncategorized

Adulting

I’m on the phone with my coach. It was fate, because earlier in the morning I had a vision that we were having a conversation about my life and what was next for me when it came to my business. I have changed my mind so many times when it comes to starting a business. I have started a clothing business, I became a motivational speaker and a yoga teacher. At one point I started carrying a vegan friendly makeup line…. I’ve done it all.

What I haven’t done is commit to either of them. I have always said to myself that I have nothing of material wealth to give but myself. The question was, “What do you have to offer?”. What a question…Right1… She always gets me to go deeper in my thoughts. Almost gets me choked up like she was sent from another planet to watch over me.

This full moon eclipse that was yesterday is obviously playing a huge role in my life. bringing up all the things that we really don’t want to acknowledge about ourselves. The truth that sometimes can hold us back from our destiny. So, I’ve decided to take a good look in the mirror…

I going to admit that I am definitely a bit of a turtle. Slow at times… Perhaps, I’m being modest. I fluctuate from task to task seeing how much I can fit into my schedule. All feeling like I never get much done.

A successful business depends on your love and passion for it.

And perhaps that successful business depends on the love and passion that I give to myself internally, rather then externally. She said it seems like I depend on external validation more that anything. Which was a hard pill to swallow.

I also think that sometimes we move slow in silence or never commit to the things we care about out of fear. Yup!, I said it! Fear! I have this fear of failure but now that I think about it I’m only failing myself. When fear gets in the way it paralyzes you from doing what your meant to do in life or in that particular situation, no matter what it happens to be.

In my mind, I have always in the background, just waiting to break free, but have been to shy to some out of my shell. However, I’m older now and its true what they say, there’s no time like the present.

To be self employed means that you treat your life like a business. You are the boss and the employee. So it’s all or nothing. it’s time to commit to this relationship whole heartedly . No more excuses for this adult. Just a disclaimer, I have only really felt like an adult about year and half ago. I wanted to say two years but even then I can honestly say that was just the beginning.

I’m 37 but look like I’m 16. I’m 5’1 but that has never stopped anyone my height from becoming successful. Mariah Carey for instance…. Need I say more.

I think figuring out my life has been a hobby until now. I have explored many things that has allowed me to grow into the person I am today. YOLO! should me the key to everyone’s life.

so to catch you up on my adulting experience, I had a one on one coaching session with a very successful entrepreneur. She gave me some amazing tips on making my business visual and viable. I invested in myself in ways that will help not only my business grow but myself as well.

Once I took me seriously, I received an opportunity to sell my merchandise in a mall as a pop up. I created Aries Collection! a baby and toddler clothing store. I create baby and kids accessories and clothes.  Now, I’m not sure how this mall found me but the Universe will always bless you with what is meant for you.

My life isn’t a hobby but a 24/7 career. I have to learn how to navigate being a Mom to three kids, being a partner to the love of my life and being a boss to my business. Adulting at its finest.

I know I’m not the only one who still wants wake up late, hit patios all summer and eat all day and stay up until the wee hours drinking with their friends.

 

Fashion, life lessons, Uncategorized

Fashion is My Alter Ego

It’s all coming back to me now. That passion to create any outfit depending on my mood. That feeling of expressing yourself without saying a word. I remember my Mom having her motto when it came to shopping for me. “If its ugly then Rashida will love it.” She was right! Although I never though of it as ugly, I just thought of it as different . I’m 5’0, so I always wanted to stand out and given the fact that I grew up in a household that was very scary, I was definitely not stepping out of line. So fashion became my thing. Bright colours and PATTERNS were and still are my thing. I think patterns can really express the inner psyche of a person. Remember our spirits are an array of colours that represent the rainbow, and tell me one person who doesn’t love a rainbow. Tell me!

Even on my bad day an outfit can be the thing that gets me out of my funk. It’s a visual thing for me. If you visually see yourself in the best of light, looking finessed like you have somewhere to go then eventually your mind will switch up! now that doesn’t mean that you always have to dress up , but why not? Like I’ve said before

Adorn Your Temple

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When I put on a fierce outfit, it makes me feel like I’m already in the life that I want. You know that feeling… almost like you’re putting on your superhero cape. When the outfit goes on and every accessory is just right…That’s when the super powers kick in. Super powers of a great outfit?…

Intense confidence, boldness, and most importantly a carefree attitude. I take everyone by storm with my wild  exuberance and efficiency of a BOSS! I have a drive that is focused and unstoppable. All while looking FABULOUS! Even better when the items are on sale…Lol!

So remember that sometimes it’s the visual that gives us the jump start to what we want. It’s our imagination that helps us to believe in the impossible, which was always possible in my opinion. Embrace and inhabit your own style that excites and brightens your spirit. If it feels good to you and feels comfortable on then Rock it!

Affirmation: My style is my superpower 

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Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

Chapter One pg.3

Well this morning went off as good as it possibly could. I mean I could have stayed in bed all day but morning called. Bonus was I was up before the children after the sleep over. The girls didn’t go to bed until 12:30am which means I didn’t actually go to bed until 1 in the morning. Anyways, My spiritual posse has been calling on me to pay attention, probably because I’ve had a lot on my mind. I pulled an amazing spread that spoke to me on so many levels.

As much about I’m always writing about how to navigate through the treacherous waters of life with love on your side, I’m still this littler girl with Big Dreams. I’ve always dreamt of owning my own business for as long as I could remember, I would play in my room as if it was my office, processing paperwork, all while looking after my baby doll. It was a cabbage patch kid. I’ve never thought I would do anything else. I could never quite put my finger on what the business would be but it was all mine. After having my son I couldn’t quite see myself not staying home to raise him. I also thought it was a good opportunity for me to start my dream business… Whatever that was. Now I’m very creative and am always wanting to invent and reinventing. I also never give up. I have had a lot of different people not believe in me, and honestly though I would make it. It just gave me more of a reason to work harder to prove to myself and to everyone else that dreams do come true.

So to be honest, I’ve been through many start ups and only just getting it off the shelf, only to put the dream back on the shelf. Frustrating of course. I’ve always let fear get to me. Fear of failing and having people tell me I told you so or this fear that I end up working this horrible desk job that pays a lot of money but makes me super miserable. All the woman in my life have worked great jobs but were never happy. So I thought if  did what they did, I would never have the opportunity to find out what makes me happy.  I think I finally figured it out. What makes me happy is ME!. Working on the unknown does for sure stress me out. I mean I do have to navigate between being a mom and being a business owner. Your time is always split, and both jobs are 24/7. But working on the unknown excites me. It makes me realize that I have a lot faith in myself or I wouldn’t keep getting back up again.

The tarot cards that I pulled were so accurate. Projects are fruitful, Faith and Confidence are high and will continue to rise. I need to stay focused AF and all will be well. I have to say, although my computer was giving me a mild heart attack earlier during the day due to all these software updates for 2019. Ugh!. Just when I’m trying to set 2019 off right. I guess it’s just a reminder that anything can happen during this process. I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to share.

Well before I head off to bed…. Yesterday was the first launch of Righteous Sun website out to the social media crowd. I kept it quiet to my Fam. I actually kept it quiet with almost everyone. I didn’t want the distractions, and I also second guess myself. This project feels different then the others. Maybe because for the first time it’s for me. Most of the other projects were for other people. Whether it was for my kids creating kids accessories for them or me giving a healing to others who were in need. This one just feels different. It makes me nervous as hell but I’m taking it all in stride. BTW… The launch is my online cosmetic and skin care Boutique. My goal is to provide people with all natural vegan friendly cruelty free cosmetics and skin care for the everyday and play!… You like those play on words?… Lol!

Ok Its getting late. I’m putting out there that I will be making $60,000 plus by the end of 2019. Big Dreams I guess… But Why Not?

growth, health and wellness, life lessons, Uncategorized

Holiday Hangover

Is it just me, or do you feel like you just woke up from a hangover a few days after Christmas?. It’s like there’s a lull between Christmas and New Years. Like we’re all suspended in mid air. Well I for one felt it and have felt that for many years, even growing up I felt it. It was like a CRESCENDO!!! leading up to Christmas and a DECRESCSENDO right after. Some how we try and keep the momentum going by getting up real early the next morning for Boxing day shopping…. You know they already have the Valentine’s day goodies out in the store….I can’t.

I GOT IT!…This lull gives us just enough time to realize how much money we’ve really spent this Christmas. Ugh!… Or we could think of it as the in between to collect our thoughts before the New Year. A recap if you will of what went down and how we can change the future simply by switching it up and trying  a different path.

Side Note: Doing things that are out of our comfort zone can also be good for our spirits.

Like a burst of rainbows…. Skittles or even Unicorns. Like it was waiting to come out breathe. Go ahead!…. Take that deep breath!

2019 is on its way!…I feel like the last few days has been an amp up to all the grandiose things  to come. A time to rest and reflect on all the lessons we’ve learned. Because there’s no such thing as mistakes, just lessons.

What lessons have you learned over the past year that strikes a nerve with you. Something that makes you say, “I will never repeat that ever again. I  learned to value myself a lot more. That I damn well deserve anything and everything that the Universe has to offer just like everyone else.

 Owning the Responsibilities of Success.

Success can sometimes pass us by because we’re not ready for the responsibilities that come along with it or we don’t have enough faith in the fact that we CAN take on the responsibilities that come along with success. The failures and all.

I will only hold space for positive people, things and situations. As you get older, you realize what’s good for the soul is good for the spirit. I recognize when its time to walk away from unhealthy shit!

I’ve also learned that you only live once on this earth as who you are today… So live it up. It’s ok if you’re currently in a bit of a rut. It will soon pass, It always does. It’s about keeping that CRESCENDO going until you reach the point of no return…And when you do return, just make sure that when you return on the most fluffiest cloud made of pink Gold looking Fabulous AF!

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

In our Feelings

As you know its the holiday season and the kids are home from school from school for the next week or so. It means a lot more time spent together because we spent all that money on presents and are not spending anymore until 2019…. Lol!

On my IG account @righteoussoleil I posted a video of my son playing with Nintendo labs. It was one of the presents we bought him for Christmas. He loves Video games, science and nature. He’s also 12yrs old and has little to no patience when it comes to putting in time for the important stuff. He’s is also a Virgo and well, Virgo strive for perfection and can get frustrated if its not achieved to their liking. That’s my son and that’s what we’ve been trying to work on with him. It’s a life skill that is super important for all of us to learn.

Sometimes the good things in life might take a little longer to achieve. 

And patience is the key.

Sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us, especially when we lose patience. Kind of like KIKI. When we get caught up in our feelings, we begin to think more in the upper part of the chakras. It just means that we are really caught up in our head, making us think irrationally. You know what they say, “Crisis first, think later”. Well do me a favour and don’t do that. When we think in crisis, we never give ourselves a chance to be present in our feelings. We react based on our thoughts rather then how it makes our body feel. How does your body feel when you fly off the handle and how beneficial is it to your body and spirit.

I have to admit that I can get moody from time to time but who doesn’t. We are human and we have feelings that must be expressed in order to grow. However, it doesn’t mean we have to ride the wild horse of frustration, anger or even sadness until we fall off and injure ourselves. It’s important to take the time to process the situations that we encounter. If it’s fucked up, then get angry just don’t let the anger get the best of you or you’ll miss out on all the loving lessons and blessing that can and will come your way.

“Don’t sweat the small things.”

He put the pieces together all on his own… He had a small moment but redeemed himself through patience and taming the wild horse of emotions within. I could be more proud of him….He’s growing up!

P.S. I’m sure as a Mom, this is just a start…Will he have other moments…Yes!…. But I’ll put this one in the books for a WIN!