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Pregnant over 35

I came home early from our trip because I wasn’t feeling well. I can’t lie, I didn’t want to go anyway. For a woman who loves the summer weather, today was not the day. It might actually never be the day until I give birth. Did I forget to tell you that I’m pregnant? That’s right Pregnant! It’s not the first but it will for sure be the last. The Final Arcana in my mind. Have I told everyone yet….NO!… It is baby number 4… I feel like by the time a woman gets to baby number 3 it’s not as exciting anymore when you tell people. it’s kinda like they’re like…”well you’ve been there done that” So you’re not as special as the women who are having their first. Especially if you’re over the age of 35. I fell like people are like, “We know you can have a baby, you don’t have to prove it to us… Or, “we get it, you have lots of sex. Anyway by the time you get to baby number 4, people start to feel sorry for you like it was an accident or like you’re dying or something. It’s almost as if they feel sorry for you. There’s no congratulations, its more of , “you poor dear. Can you afford this baby. Can anyone afford babies. If I was Halle Barry or Jlo, It wouldn’t be such a big deal , but because I’m living in a 3 bedroom apt. it’s a travesty. It’s like society wants to make you feel bad about your decision, not like it was a choice to have another baby, none of them were. We intentionally tried once, my husband and I and it never worked, it’s when we weren’t trying that It came naturally, all of our children, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So for right now, I keep it a secret for just myself and a select few who I trust. Which is not many. To be honest , I haven’t received any positive reactions. only my neighbor and the kids and my husband.. but most guys are excited like they scored in the end zone. You know back in the day, I would have been the one to say oh no!…but a life coming into this world is a true blessing no matter what the circumstances are. It  means that God chose for that spirit to enter into your life… and this time it chose me once again to be the vessel. Am I sick as a dog right now?…YES!!! do I want to blink and suddenly be at the end, getting ready to give birth?… YES!!!! but I was chosen so I must grit my teeth and bare down to get through each month.

I don’t share my thoughts  very often because I’m good at reading people’s thoughts.. its a gift I have. What I’ve come to realize is that people are very judgmental, and feel like they have their own opinion on how many  kids a woman should have, so of course it’s no different with me. but they don’t understand the back story to my life and how this pregnancy means something more than just baby number 4.

After having Nyla, who is child number three, I had encountered many people…people meaning Psychics, who told me I would have another baby and it would be a boy. Now right after having Nyla, I was definitely not thinking about having another baby, and I didn’t think about it for over 6 years, until, this year of 2019 when I lost my dog. I was already pregnant at the time but would have had an abortion because of how sick… it was bad… I was losing weight rapidly and was throwing up like my life depended it on it.  Our Cacao, that’s our Chocolate Lab who passed away in March of this year. He was getting old and I was getting very sick from the pregnancy. I couldn’t take care of him and myself. It was clearly evident that I had to make a decision to either keep the baby or let it go. when I made the decision to for through with the abortion and the next day we lost our beloved dog. I don’t think I could have held down the family and myself during such a tragic loss. I had never lost someone so dear to my heart before. It was  a double loss. having to make  a choice  to say goodbye to a spirit in my belly and having to say goodbye to my dog. I almost never forgave myself for that decision. My husband had said to me, “Who would have taken Cacao to heaven”. So there’s a reason for everything. Just like there’s a reason for me having this baby. There’s no such thing as a coincidence in my mind. This baby will be born the same week that our dog passed away. Crazy right?…

I’ll never forget meeting that man in the parking lot after me specifically stopping and asking God to send me an answer. and so he did, in the form of this man who had told me that I would have a son and through this pregnancy, success would come, I would travel and have my own business. something I’ve always dreamed of. I’ve been incredibly emotional with this pregnancy, and feel like I have no control, hence why I’m writing my thoughts out. I asked God what should I do now that I’m on this new journey…. And God said,  “write!!!” So here I am documenting my experience being pregnant with baby number 4 at the age of… 37… soon to be 38 in October.

I had a vivid dream 2 years ago that we had bought our dream house and we were standing in front of it . Marcus, Kaori and Nyla were standing  in the photo… Mike and I was holding a baby.. we had a new dog, a golden Retriever and it was fall. That dream has stuck with me until this day, and now I believe it’s time to fulfill that dream. No matter what age or how many children I have.

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Nurturing the success of your children as well as yourself

Now I’m no expert in parenting but going to an event that I was already hesitant to go to but for some reason decided to stop in got me thinking really hard… I mean some real food for thought.

The event was in honour of people of colour for Black history month a friend of mine had invited me and so I thought I don’t think I’ve ever really honoured my blackness in public with other people of colour so why not go. The speaker was someone very influential. So I guess I wanted to hear how this woman got to where she was today all while being a mother. When the question was finally raised about motherhood and how she had navigated through all of her rise to success all while being a single mom her response was this, “it was all a blur” which would explain a lot.

You see I don’t know this speaker personally but I do know of her daughter and I know that in someways her Mother’s success affected her In many ways then one and that’s what got me thinking…. even though she is very successful in her career the parenting piece was all a blur. What I’m saying is I don’t want my parenting and my time with my kids to be a blur because I was so driven towards my own success. We can find success in so many different things we can find success in the big things as well as the little things and sometimes the success that we do find is really those happy times and those connected moments with the ones we love.

Even as women of colour there is always this hardness behind us that’s more along the lines of ‘suck it up butter cup’, as oppose to the gentle nurturer. I can attest by my own mother and how she navigated through her career and being a Mom. Now that I’m a Mom, I can understand where they were coming from. They were single Moms who were really living in survival mode for themselves and most importantly for their children and so they did what ever they had to, to get to that next level, even if it meant that the kids wouldn’t get the gentle Motherly type.

So the question is how can we as parents nurture our success and our children’s success at the same time?….

These are some of the tools I’ve learned and continue to apply to my life and my family life.

1) in order to nurture the success of your children you first have to find out what they love… as a Mom I have always paid attention to the interest of my kids. My son loves science and nature and so we try and find activities that foster his interests.

My middle one loves gymnastics and is a natural and my little loves music and so I’m slowly moving her in that direction because that’s what she loves. Now of course as a parent I had different plans but when the Universe shows you the joy that comes out of it when they do what they love that my friends is success.

2) prioritize your time as a Mom and as a career driven woman. Sometimes we feel we can only do one but not both. When you’re running your business and trying to get it off the ground, the down time is very limited but that doesn’t mean that you can’t set aside down time for the people you love. Create a schedule that works and remember to add in DOWN TIME!

3) Be self aware… as parents we have a tendency of not being aware of the effects we have on our kids. We can be so focused in the success and the end result that we can sometimes have blinders on forgetting our kids needs which could just be them wanting Mommy time. Make sure we’re spreading the knowledge of where happiness really comes from. Not from the late nights at the office, but from those special moments we have with the people we love.

life lessons, Uncategorized

When enough is enough

Ok guys!… When is enough in your books? I mean what is your breaking point in terms of reaching your limit?… I am currently in the process of moving my kids to school that is a lot safer and with like minded people. When I moved into my neighborhood, I was in transition. I matched perfectly with my neighborhood and what the current issues are. constantly in fight or Flight mode. I began learning and healing and eventually growing and transforming out of the trauma. It was like it no longer served my purpose. I had healed and moved on. I allowed my kids to stay at a school where it was obviously unsafe but I couldn’t see that because I was in the same transition as them. I want to say,’ How could I be so blind but when you wake up, its not all at once, its in stages.  Right? I’ve grown in stages and I am about to complete a phase in my life. No more Fight or Flight mode. I’m in living mode for myself and my family.

So how do you now you’ve reached the end of a phase?….

You’re reaction to the same situation is different this time. it’s like you no longer have time for the same story and feelings that comes along with it. You can now recognize how it makes you feel and quickly create boundaries to protect yourself.

You will feel like you’ve reached the end of a chapter. A completion and possibly a resolution that was never quite there until now. If we’re lucky, it can occur around a your Birthday or New Years. Those are endings and beginning kind of moments.

If you’re not already hanging out with like minded people…. You will!… the old you can’t fuck around with the same energy… I remember hearing someone say, “I’ll still fuck with you but I won’t stay stuck with you. Words to live by. Even then, be careful who you continue to hang with. If they aren’t for the greater good of you and the process then it’s time to level up to people who match your vibration.

As we get ready to end 2018 and move on to 2019. 2+1+9= 12 and twelve means completions. 2018 was and is about our dreams and desires and making them known to the Universe and 2019 is all about putting them into practice and watching them flourish.

It feels nice to let go and move on and I look forward to the continued growth that I’m committed to.

Affirmation: I AM OPEN TO ALL THE POSITIVITY THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS TO OFFER

Messages from the Heart

July 17th, 2018.

So I’m in the middle of a serious clean. My apartment and mind was a little in disarray. I’m the type of person who cleans in sections… to much for any person can be overwhelming. And I always attribute a cluttered space with a cluttered mind. Im not sure how it works but it works. I think it’s a visual thing and a definite energy thing as well. I am still process as we speak in making a lot more room in my head. I’m just taking a break.

Something happened yesterday that got me thinking. During my serious clean, my little one comes to me and says someone’s at the door. I was in such a zone that I wasn’t really down for any interruptions. I left my mind for a sec and went to see who it was. I’m in a little shock to see my neighbours daughter standing at my door looking tired and frail. She looked like she hadn’t eaten for days if not longer. and she’s only 19yrs old. She had come to ask me if I could clear some crystals that our neighbours had given her for healing. Crystals are amazing for that. I cleared them and she began talking. She’s going to bars with friends and drinking until she passes out. Sigh!…… I cleared her energy the best I could and left her with this because lord knows I love to help the broken spirits….

I said,

Only you can break the cycle that has been passed down to you through energy and DNA. No matter the cards you’ve been felt as a child, good or bad, you have to know deep down that if you had children, you would want the best for them. You would want them to have better life than you did… I’ve been there, we’ve all been there. I’m now in the position of breaking the cycle in my family by owning my own business….And that was me saying, “I want different for myself and for my kids”.

I left it like that and prayed that she left with something. When you think about it, it really is an internal battle. The spirit finding ways to cope with the spiritual scars of life…. even though the spirit is sensitive, its also very resilient. It’s when we put in the extra love that the spirit begins to wake up and remember… we were just to far removed and hurt to see. It all comes down to you.

As a reiki healer and an intuitive spiritual Counsellor, I would love to help others fall back in love with themselves. I am open to receiving new clients and new opportunities that allow me to express my gifts talents and abilities and share them with those who are interested. As I continue to grow in my practice so will the abundance in my life. I am grateful for the here and now and what is to come.

Just a little affirmation out into the Universe.

Messages from the Heart

July, 16th, 2018

Ok…. I’m literally on the toilet typing this. (Way too much info)…lol!…. but I’m on the verge of serious change and it’s like my spiritual posse needs me to document it..ok, I need to document for more piece of mind. I also just need to her out of my comfort zone in regards to using the voice that was given to me. You know it’s like I have a million thoughts running through my head at any given moment that I find it hard to formulate those feel goods that get me through the day. I always get amazing message from my posse to get me through the day and I’m always like… I’m going to forget it in about 5 min. I am a Mom you know…. if three, so that means 3 times less the memory.

I’m hoping the more I write the more I will open up in my creativity and I’m just being dedicated to myself. A dedication of no longer being afraid of my words and their impact because it’s for me first… (No offence) ugh!… there I go again. I’ve gotten as far as starting my own business which is slowly becoming successful in its own right… you know when you’ve been looking for a platform to work from and the whole time it’s You!… EPIPHANY!!!… I’m working on and from my own platform. I just need to make sure I nurture my roots to make me stronger and secure in who I am and what I do. Isn’t that crazy?… my platform is supportive and loving and always giving positive feedback. I’ve been searching for a unique platform to come and sweep me off my feet to hall me catapult my life in all honesty and the reality is… I need to work on the platform that was given to to reconstruct… I’ve always loved renovations, but who likes to be in the middle of it… we all just want to see and live in the end result.. it obvi takes work.

They say that a Womens cervix is made out of the same tissue as your cervical spine.. when one is open the other opens as well. This is why during an orgasm a women is more likely to become more vocal. It also means though, that if you’ve experienced trauma in that region or are not rooted in You then you’re more likely not to use your voice. You can learn a lot from social media.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure my thoughts went in three different places…. but the summary is still the same… I’ve learned a little bit more about myself… which only helps you to grow more.

Until next time…the kids are still sleeping and will enjoy this peace and quiet for a little longer. Until next time.

Messages from the Heart

Just a moment to myself

Since Summer had started it’s been pretty difficult to get any work done. My secret so far to keeping my self sane is waking up earlier than the kids. Them sleeping I’m has been a lifesaver. Now mind you, sleeping in for them is 9 in the morning. Yes I’m up at 7am but I get a lot of stuff done. Like… Meditation for about 15 to 20 minutes and I checked my email and then I get any work done that needs to get done that can’t get done when children are up…lol!

I can’t lie it’s been really difficult not having down time for a longer than an hour and a half. I as well as many parents are clearly spoiled for most of the year when the kids are in school. So it is a big adjustment to keep them entertained for two months straight day in and day out. Even tougher when there’s not enough family to help look after three kids when you want to break. Since we know families can get into their own little bubble when it comes to life, it is totally up to me to keep my family moving and me with a calm interior. Not sure how long I will last, it really has only been a week….lol! But so far so good.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but what I do know is that since officially starting my wellness business…I have been non stop and the momentum is on the rise.

Check out righteoussun.co to take a look around.

Rather than going against the flow of kids and summer vacation, I’ve chosen to work the Universe to accommodate my new lifestyle. It’s like my spiritual posse is asking me how bad do you want this… my answer is…. no summer vacay is going to slow me down. I’m currently writing this piece in the bathroom where the kids now understand after many years that I as well as all Moms require privacy while in the bathroom… AGREE!

I guess making time is what you make of it…. I’m finding my flow… it’s the same flow I had when my first born was a toddler…. only this time he’s 11yrs old… I added two more to the mix and I am all the wiser as Mom of three.

Affirmation: I flow easily and swiftly through the Universe.

Body, Mind & Spirit, growth, life lessons, Uncategorized

Breathing through it all

Every now and then I, just like many others goes through their ups and downs on every conceivable level. I am a Mom who just want the best for herself and her family. So every now and then, I’ll take a moment a speak to creator for some sound advice.

By the way, I gave  them a name… Morion. I think it was about two years ago when I when I had asked the name of my spiritual guide. They had said “Moira” , which ,means destiny or fate. Makes sense.(Google it)

This is how it all went down…..

ME:  So to recap my life for myself… Just so I’m clear… I am a Mother of three kids who has been on this spiritual journey for my whole life, sleeping for most of it and have been slowly waking up from this dream like state. I’ve been awake now of over 10 years. As distorted and confusing as the whole process has been. I have managed to pay attention to the subtleties around me and has used what has been given to me, to my advantage. With spiritual practices in place, Rashida, you have managed to start a business to teach little ones and young people about yoga. and meditation. I get to teach them about a practice that allows you to get better acquainted with you.

Moira: Congratulations! you accomplished what you set out to do. There’s still more work ahead of you.

ME: But I barely even have time to breath.

Moira: Then you’re lucky that it does it on its own.

ME: Very Funny….But seriously, I am my own boss and there’s a lot to think about when running a business. On top of making sure that dinner is cooked and homework is done and kids are off to their after school activities, let alone my outside commitments with Parent council and community leader…. Just talking about it makes me out of breath. This is what runs through my head everyday. A constant rolodex of things to do. Never really resting the mind… Frustrating at times….

Moira: Well my love…..

Moira: Remember to breath through it all. Not that shallow breath the one that comes from your chest. You know the one that makes your chest feel tight and your shoulders heavy. Breathe through it from deep down below. So low that your breath becomes a deep slow rhythm.Then allow that breath to anchor you, so that you’re not flying through your thoughts, making you feel like your drowning in them and taking your last breath. Once you begin to feel anchored the thoughts will cease and that’s when you can prioritize what is to get done now and what can wait.

When we get flustered, its because we are flying high in our upper chakras. Upper chakras are on the free thinking and dreams kind of level where as the lower chakras are about grounding ourselves in reality. Taking a step by step approach to life and most of all being present.

Rather then keeping everything in your head, write it down. On your device or in a mom journal. Make sure though that its easily accessible. Devices are great because you can set a reminder. You just have to remember to write it in… You could set a reminder for that too….LOL!

Have patience. Rome wasn’t built in a day. If something means that much to you, you never want to rush the process. Not if you want it to last forever. So have patience the process and have patience with yourself.

ME: So ground yourself, prioritize, and have patience… Makes sense.

Moira: Good things come to those who wait.